Welcome to our third week of our new guest posting series, The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline. Each Friday we post a different installment to the series that a guest writer was kind enough to submit to us illustrating what makes their domestic discipline relationship different. Today we’re excited to feature Katie’s post where she talks about how distance discipline works for her and her boyfriend, and what steps they take to ensure domestic discipline stays on track while living so far apart.
Tim and I first met about three years ago at an airport, of all places. Looking back on it, that should have probably been the first signs to both of us that a long distance relationship would be in our future. Or, at the very least a friendship. At the time, neither one of us had considered a relationship, with him being fresh out of a divorce and myself being too focused on my career to care about a boyfriend. Not only did a relationship seem hard to imagine, but domestic discipline was something neither one of us ever considered.
Little did we know, our relationship would begin to develop. We soon found ourselves going from not wanting a serious relationship to becoming close friends and then more. We spent hours talking/text messaging each day and even made a few trips to see each other. We live roughly 6 hours apart, and so distance combined with our work schedules made it difficult but we managed to squeeze in a few trips here and there.
I first heard of domestic discipline after doing some Google searches when I finished reading 50 Shades. Yes, I’m one of those people who found domestic discipline through that book, what can I say? But honestly, at the time, I couldn’t really see myself doing domestic discipline with Tim. I knew almost instantly it was something I wanted in a future relationship, but the one I was currently in was just blossoming, so I couldn’t imagine throwing a curveball like domestic discipline into it so early on.
Finally, one day several months later I broke down and told Tim about it. I did so because I began craving this type of lifestyle, and because I was starting to grow really close with him and trust him. Those feelings led me to believe that maybe domestic discipline with him could work, distance and all, if I could get him to agree to it. But that came harder than I thought.
Tim was adamantly against it at first, so much so that we almost broke up because of my desire to have it and his desire to not. I wish I better remember the turning point for him but it came about 5 months after first bringing up domestic discipline to him. He finally agreed to try it on a very short basis (two weeks I believe was his “trial period”) and I jumped at the chance. At the end of the two weeks, he asked for two more weeks which I happily obliged. I thought domestic discipline was going well and I could tell he was beginning to come around to it too. We finally sat down one evening on one of our weekends together and made it official. We would become a domestic discipline couple, even with the distance.
We didn’t talk much about how it would work with the distance between us, surprisingly. I figured it would have came up early on, but it didn’t. Instead, we slowly adjusted to our new found roles and relationship while trying to navigate how this lifestyle really worked. But all of that was easy, until it came time for us to depart again.
Living roughly 6 hours apart can take its toll on any relationship, but adding domestic discipline to the equation complicates it even more. We have learned a few things over the time we’ve been doing domestic discipline and I’d love to share those with you.
We had heard time and time again that punishing as soon as the offense happens (or as close as possible to it) was ideal which worried us. We only see each other 1 weekend a month on the average month. Therefore, sometimes weeks can go by without a punishment even if one is well-deserved. So, one thing we have learned is using punishments that aren’t spanking and can be used with me in one state and him in another are important. This allows Tim to still be able to punish me in a kind of short time frame and it allows me to still be held accountable even if we aren’t physically together.
Another thing I’ve learned is that it really isn’t all about the punishments. Sometimes people (distance or not) seem so focused on that that they forget to strengthen the other areas of their domestic discipline relationship. We all know that punishments are important but it isn’t the only important thing. By having that distance between us it allows us both to reflect (for quite a while!) in the car about what we need to improve upon, and how things are going. It really helps to keep our domestic discipline lifestyle in the front of our minds during chaotic times when we aren’t able to be together.
Tim doesn’t like to use spanking (although he has before) and finding time to do that on our rare weekends together is sometimes challenging as we would prefer to spend all of our time together, doing happy stuff. So, one thing we’ve done is an accumulation of points. He gives out point values to rules that he finds important and if a certain number of points is accumulated then I get spanked. This allows me to not get away with things (we use some of the alternative methods of discipline for most points) but still be held accountable through methods such as spanking if it’s been a bad week and the points are serious enough.
Those are just a few things we have done over the years to make domestic discipline work more smoothly for us despite our challenge. We likely have another 2-3 years of living apart based on Tim’s job situation, but we’e hoping that the distance will be resolved (with a transfer from his job) in the next 6 months. When it does, it will be interesting to see how domestic discipline goes for us since we are used to living quite a ways apart.
If you are in a long distance relationship and considering practicing domestic discipline or already do, my advice is not focus so much on domestic discipline and just let it come naturally. I also have found that it is important for you to be comfortable using punishments that are alternative to spanking so that they can be handed out during the week even when you are apart.
I hope I gave you some tips and inspired you to believe that you can live a domestic discipline lifestyle, regardless of the distance.
Katie
Thank you so much for sharing your story Katie. Dating/distance relationship is always hard and we totally understand that. When you add domestic discipline it can really complicate things, but it sounds like Tim and Katie have a system down that works well for them, which is great news and something we encourage all long distance couples to do. Their tips are great and we highly recommend them if you are in a similar position.
We’ll see you tomorrow for a new Submissive Saturday’s post
-Clint & Chelsea
The post {The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline} “We Live 6 Hours Apart, and We Practice Domestic Discipline” appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.