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This is our second week of our guest writing columns, and we’re excited to introduce Eric and his wife Amy. You can read a little bit of their background by clicking here. Eric and his wife have been practicing an FLR (female-led relationship) style of domestic discipline in their marriage for over seven years now and are looking forward to sharing their story with you. We hope you find it as fascinating as we did.
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[heading style=”1″]The Transition to FLR[/heading]
Seven and a half years ago Amy and I were sitting at our kitchen table at odds. We had been married about a year, but neither one of us felt that marriage was what we expected. Amy and I both had busy full time careers and we were renovating an old home her father owned. All of that combined with an ill parent and a job that required me to be gone sometimes weeks at a time and we had a recipe for a very stressful life and with that stress brought arguments, discontent, sleeping on the couch, and yes more arguments.
I remember seeing something on television where a couple did some BDSM stuff in the bedroom and it really ignited that spark again. I thought it sounded interesting, so I started to research that and a little while later I stumbled on domestic discipline. At the time, little existed on the topic other than a Yahoo Group here and there or a few scattered articles on the web, and almost everything I found was what some would call the “traditional format” and so I approached the topic and my research under the understanding that I would be the head of our family, and my wife would take on the submissive role if I could ever get her to agree to this.
I read what feels like everything I could on the topic and then sat down with her. Amy felt, much like I did at first, that maybe a little spark in the bedroom would be more of what we needed instead of something as regimented as domestic discipline. I think I was just happy I got her on board (relatively easily at that) with something. So, we dabbled in a little BDSM and it worked. It reignited that spark that we both felt had been missing. But, that fizzled out within a few months of us realizing that BDSM only seemed to work when we weren’t arguing, stressed, or about to kick one another to the curb. It kept the happy times happy but that’s about it. So we revisited the idea of domestic discipline.
Her becoming the head of the household was never mentioned, at first. We approached the decision to start domestic discipline under the pretense that I was the head of the house since that is what seemed to be the norm, based on what I had read. I wouldn’t say I was ever against becoming the head of the house, but I felt like most of the “problems” in our marriage that triggered the arguments were stemmed from things I was doing. Some of you may ask why I didn’t just stop them myself, but I respond to that with the simple statement that I made a genuine effort and it just didn’t seem to work.
It wasn’t until Amy and I sat down to discuss rules that we realized that most of the issues seemed to root from behaviors I had that she didn’t like, and while both her and I realized that her reaction to those behaviors were wrong, we both realized if we wanted domestic discipline to work we had to start at the root of the problem, which was me.
We agreed to try her being the head of the household for two weeks, but I could tell she was hesitant and I was as well. She has always taken more of a natural leadership role both in her career, and at our home, but that didn’t mean it was easy for her. Amy made it very clear that she didn’t want this to be a parenting type of relationship and I definitely didn’t want that either. I didn’t want her to “mother me”, similar to how many head of the household’s say they don’t want to become their wives father. I can understand that. We wanted to maintain that partnership and some sense of equality, but hopefully bettering our marriage along the way.
One day into our two week test run and I could already see this was going to be very difficult. I was struggling to grasp the notion of getting spanked by my wife, and I think she was struggling even more with the notion of spanking me. I’ll share more about that at a different time, but I wanted to introduce myself and say how thankful both Amy and I are at the ability to share a look at our female led marriage with you.
Until next time.
Eric
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Thank you, Eric! We’re looking forward to hearing more about how your trial run with domestic discipline went!
We’ll see you tomorrow for a new free download!
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The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Column – Eric {Week 1} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.