A few weeks ago we introduced you to our first guest post columnist – Jill. In case you missed Jill’s first post you can read it here. This week Jill talks about her and her husband’s decision to opt out of using spanking as a consequence and how they came to that conclusion, but how one incident made them change their minds.
Without further ado, let’s get to it. 
–Clint & Chelsea
[heading style=”1″]The Great Spanking Debate[/heading]
My one hangup with domestic discipline has always been the spanking part. Actually, that isn’t entirely true. I had a lot of hangups, but the biggest one I would say was the fact that spanking was involved. J spanking me for anything was just not. going. to. happen. Period. But, after hearing how J was actually kind of open to the idea of domestic discipline, I got nervous that he may want to try the spanking part after all.
My nerves were put to rest when J said he didn’t think that he could picture himself spanking me. Phew! Bullet dodged, and we were well on our way to practicing domestic discipline. As I mentioned in my first post, we decided on one rule and one consequence to begin with and no, that consequence wasn’t spanking.
A few weeks into domestic discipline we both came to the realization that just one rule might not be sufficient and so we added 3 more. 4 seemed like a good, even number and we were both starting to see the benefits of domestic discipline until the day I thought I might have ruined it all (although, at the time, I was convinced it was J who was responsible for that).
With my job I often travel out of town (usually about 1-3 hours away from our home) and we live in the Northeastern part of the United States where snow is common. Because of that, we made a rule that when I’m working away from home I send J a text when I’m leaving work (since it’s often about 7 or 8 in the evening) so he doesn’t worry (especially because of the frequent snow storms we get). Well, one day, I forgot. My phone had died, and a few co-workers asked me to go get some drinks after work. I did, thinking J was working late anyway, so who cares. Well, he did, and when I finally arrived home (well after midnight during a moderately severe snow storm) J was beyond panicked. I don’t even know the words to describe it.
I wish I had an excuse, but I didn’t, and I figured our one consequence (which is grounding, but more about that in another post) but I guess J had a different plan. Without much of a warning at all, I got spanked. It wasn’t much, but it was definitely something and I was shocked. Actually, I was pissed. I didn’t agree to that! What the hell? I thought we agreed on ONE consequence.
For days, actually almost a week, J and I barely spoke. I went through a range of emotions like being so pissed off that he would do something like that, and also being a little confused because everything I had read about spanking led me to believe that afterwards we would be so much closer together, not barely speaking and further apart than we had been in years. It just didn’t go as planned, and J went through a range of emotions as well. He was extremely upset, still, about me being out so late without telling him, and worrying him to death. But, he also felt really bad. He admitted that he acted on impulse, and didn’t sit down to discuss things with me calmly and rationally first. Finally, on day 6, we sat down to talk. We talked for hours, more than I think we ever have about a topic, actually and afterwards we both felt so much better.
I had a strange change of heart during our talk. At first, I was so against the idea of spanking, and J was on the fence I would say. But, during our talk I suddenly became eager to give it another shot. Even though I was unbelievably pissed off, and it caused a wedge between us, there WAS something about the spanking that was beneficial, but I couldn’t put my finger on what, exactly. Maybe it was the fact that he cared that much, or maybe it was the fact that it really did make me never want to break that rule again. Whatever it was, I was eager to see if we could find the experience that domestic discipline bloggers talked about when it comes to spanking. J, on the other hand, fell off the fence and decided no way could he do that again. So, we were at odds once again.
Domestic discipline is, no doubt, full of challenges, roadblocks, but also full of triumphs and I’m happy to be able to be here sharing both of those things with you. I learned a lot from this experience, and in my next entry I will let you know how the incident I refer to as “the great spanking debate” ended up, and where things stand now.
Until then..
~Jill~
The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Column – Jill {Week 2} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.