We’re back with Eric this week, who has been sharing the FLR (female-led relationship) story of his marriage with everyone. In case you missed Eric’s first post you can read it by clicking here.
This week, Eric talks about how him and his wife (Amy) conquered their first big hurdle with their new FLR-style marriage: discussing rules and consequences.
Take it away, Eric!
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[heading style=”1″]The Consequence Debate [/heading]
A few weeks after Amy and I had decided to make the transition into our FLR relationship we had an immediate task looming over us – discussing the rules and the consequences. Amy actually recommended this, because she felt it would keep her more organized with knowing what to enforce, and what consequences to give. I wouldn’t say I was against the idea, but I guess I didn’t see what there was to discuss. I mean, I do something that makes her upset, she gives me a quick spanking and we move on, right?
That wasn’t quite how it worked, I soon learned. To start with, Amy didn’t know what to punish for, let alone how to dish out any consequences, especially spanking. I just always assumed that domestic discipline marriages equated to only using spanking, and occasionally a little swat or lecture here and there so it was eye opening to me to find out that there are lots of different consequence types, such as corner time, grounding, mouth soaping, and more. Those were all things I had never before considered.
We sat down after work one evening and started our list. Amy asked me which rules I felt needed to be on there, and right off the bat I mentioned my attitude, which, in the past, has led Amy to feel unwanted and disrespected if I don’t think about what I’m saying, and how I’m saying it, before I speak. Amy agreed, and that became our first rule. The next few she added, which were in regards to coming home after work and letting her know if I wanted to go out for a drink with the guys instead. No more just assuming she was fine with it, and heading out. We also added a couple of rules around obeying, and controlling my temper which can sometimes get the best of me in very stressful situations. When we were finished, we had about 10 rules jotted down on the notepad, which we both agreed seemed like a good starting point.
Moving onto consequences was more difficult than I would have imagined it would be though. In fact, much to my dismay, it caused an argument right off the bat and led us both to question what on earth we were even doing. As I mentioned earlier, I had assumed that spanking would be the only consequence that we used. Amy, on the other hand, wasn’t completely comfortable with spanking yet, and felt that other consequences (such as grounding) would be more suitable to start with, and then only introduce spanking as a “final straw” mechanism when all else failed. I disagreed. She scribbled down grounding under the consequence column, and I quickly crossed it out and wrote spanking.
And there we were. Sitting at the table, going back and forth like we had been about decisions before domestic discipline was ever introduced. She questioned my dedication to this lifestyle, saying that it felt like I only wanted to give her control in situations that were convenient for me. She felt that I should have a say in the consequences, and voice my opinion, but that ultimately it should be up to her. While that sounded good, it just wasn’t how I envisioned domestic discipline going.
We temporarily abandoned our rules and consequences discussion, then resumed it a few weeks later when we had both calmed down. We agreed that spanking should be a part of the consequences, in order to add a depth of severity, but that grounding would be the primary method used until Amy got more comfortable, or until grounding no longer became effective.
Seeing how we worked together to get through our disagreement and our differences on this issue really made me realize, and really affirmed to me, that domestic discipline was right for us. Sure, there were heated moments, but we had already begun handling them much better than we had in years past. We went to bed that night excited for what the future held. Little did I know, the first consequence was coming sooner than I had thought…
Until next time,
Eric
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We’ll see you tomorrow for a new edition of Five Things Friday.
Have a great Thursday!
The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Column – Eric {Week 2} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.