Last week we introduced you to Ellie, one of our guest post columnists who practices the Spencer Plan/Cooperative Domestic Discipline version of the lifestyle with her husband Shawn. This week we dive further into Ellie’s story as she tells us about making the transition from being a submissive wife to being an HOH and a submissive partner.
[heading style=”1″]I Don’t Know How To Do This![/heading]
Before we started The Spencer Plan there were times when I would joke and tease Shawn that if he didn’t take out the trash, or if he kept annoying me on a random day that I would spank him like he does me. I was only kidding, and Shawn knew it (which is likely why he didn’t listen at all) because I knew, deep down, that I would never really spank my husband. At least I never thought I could.
The Spencer Plan sounded simple at first. I wouldn’t say it sounded easy, or like a walk in the park, but it sounded simple enough to where we could hopefully just slide it in place of the traditional plan we had been following. That was our plan, at least, but it didn’t quite work that way.
The first week that we started our new version of domestic discipline was one of the most challenging weeks of our marriage. We were struggling to find our roles was very difficult for us both. Shawn still, naturally, tried to step up and assert his power during major life events, while I naturally fell into the more submissive mindset and the “just go with the flow” attitude. It didn’t help that we encountered a life crisis during our first week in transition. Our car had broke down and after seeing a mechanic we made the decision that it would cost more to fix it than the car was worth, so we set out in search of a new vehicle. But, financially, it was a strain at the time and so we butt heads a lot on what type of car to get, how much to spend, how would we pay for a major purchase like this on no notice at all. In our “old way” of domestic discipline this would have been handled easier. Shawn and I would have discussed it, and he would make a final decision. But now, with the Spencer Plan, didn’t that mean I could overrule him?
It was a power struggle to say the least. If I overruled Shawn and went with the vehicle I wanted, would I get punished? And, if Shawn then overruled me and went with what he wanted, would he get punished too? This just didn’t make any sense to us. Tempers were starting to flare. We tried to compromise, but it still felt like one side was making out with the “better half” of the compromise and then the argument became which side should that be? These were issues that we rarely ever saw in our marriage when we did the traditional version of the lifestyle and I was beginning to think we had made a mistake letting that go.
The car issue never did get fully resolved, although it has still only been a few months. We ended up getting a new car, and it was one that Shawn wasn’t crazy about but we compromised the best we could, although if you ask Shawn he will likely tell you that I chose the car, and that was that.
A few nights after we were home with the new car Shawn asked me if I had considered punishing him, at all, during the course of our many car conversations, particularly the heated ones. I responded with no, because I honestly hadn’t. After he fell asleep that night my mind began to race and I began to see that maybe I wasn’t cut out for this, because Shawn had admitted he thought about punishing me a few times for my attitude and disrespect during those heated talks. I’ll admit I didn’t handle myself the way I should have, but neither did he. So shouldn’t I have thought about punishing him too?
I just didn’t see how this would work, and wondered what on earth we had gotten ourselves into. A part of me really, really, really wanted to switch back to “the old days” where we had defined roles and things went smoother. But, Shawn convinced me to give this lifestyle a chance, and what happened next really shocked me…
Ellie
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The power struggle aspect of The Spencer Plan is something that we’ve often wondered about, Ellie, so it was interesting to read your story. Thank you, again, for sharing! We’re looking forward to next week (ugh! I hate cliffhangers).
The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Column – Ellie {Week 2} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.