It feels great to be back on track with our posting schedule after taking some time off for vacation, and important retreat announcements last week.

We’re getting back on schedule with our guest posting columns this week and picking up where we left off with Shawn & Ellie. If you’re new to their story, her and her husband practice the Spencer Plan/Cooperative Domestic Discipline dynamic in their marriage and, like any form of domestic discipline, have hit a few setbacks along the way but are working through them together.

This week, Ellie shares with us the turning point in their relationship that made her realize maybe The Spencer Plan was right for them after all.

[heading style=”1″]The Turning Point[/heading]

Shawn and I have always had what I consider to be an open marriage, but not in the sense that you’re probably thinking. Our definition of an open marriage is one where we can discuss things with each other without limitations or borders, and that we are open with each other about everything. We don’t have secrets.

After our fall out about the car I really questioned if we were doing the right thing with The Spencer Plan. I wondered what I had gotten myself into, and I definitely wondered how this lifestyle would work if I couldn’t get in the right mindset to punish him, yet he was clearly in the mindset to punish me. It just didn’t seem right. Reading up on The Spencer Plan made it appear so fair and so equal, yet I hadn’t seen that side of it at all.

I was getting ready to put a load of wash into the laundry one afternoon when I checked Shawn’s pockets, like I always do, to make sure no paper, coins, or heaven forbid gum was inside that would ruin the load of wash. When I did, I came across a receipt for a pretty pricey video game system, one that I certainly had no idea about. I wouldn’t say money was tight for us, but we were on a budget, watching money carefully trying to save for a down payment on a larger home. When I saw the receipt, I wasn’t happy, but I threw the clothes in the washer and went about my afternoon.

Shawn came home from work that evening as normal as ever, and while I tried not to give him the cold shoulder, I failed. I was upset, and I felt it to be difficult to show anything other than my disappointment with his purchase, or him hiding it from me. Finally, I asked him about it after many attempts to pry information out of me wondering why I was so upset.

He came clean, and admitted that he purchased the video game system because he thought it was a good price (I disagreed wholeheartedly). I asked him why he didn’t even consult me first, knowing our financial situation, and his answer was that he knew I wouldn’t like it. He was right. But what I didn’t like even more was him going ahead and doing it without my knowledge.

I slept on it that night, and by the next morning it was clear to be that Shawn just wasn’t getting it. He said a quick apology, and was moving on like normal, with the video game system still here. It felt like he didn’t care about my feelings, and certainly didn’t care enough to return the system. When he came home from work that night it was almost worse than the night before for me. I was more upset, at that point, with his attitude than him not telling me. I’d had enough, and decided to implement the Spencer Plan, but how I had no clue.

I still couldn’t bring myself to spank Shawn. I tried, I thought about it, I envisioned it, and it just wasn’t working for me. I didn’t think I could do it. But, I did. It was a short spanking, a few swats, it got his attention, but more so it refocused mine. I felt better, he felt better. And, the video game system got returned.

The spanking was certainly nothing spectacular, nothing like what you would read in a book or what you would envision when it comes to a spanking. But it worked so well. It made Shawn really start to respect me more than I had seen in awhile, and it made me respect him that he cared enough about me, and our marriage, to not spend money carelessly like that again.

It was in that moment, when I was hugging him after it was all over with that I felt my bad attitude melt away, and I felt that this new way of domestic discipline may really be working for us.

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Thanks for sharing with us again this week, Ellie!

We’ll see you all tomorrow for a new Five Things Friday!

The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Column – Ellie {Week 3} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

If you missed yesterday’s post – the Learning Domestic Discipline Network has finally launched! Click here for more information. 

When we first were introduced to Rachel one of the things we loved was her positive attitude. It wasn’t a secret that her and her husband had encountered their share of setbacks when they started domestic discipline, but she seemed to remain positive and upbeat through them, determined to make domestic discipline work for her and for their marriage. You’ll see more of what we mean when you read today’s column, appropriately titled “Trying to Stay Positive”. The one thing we hope others take away after reading Rachel’s post this week is that starting domestic discipline isn’t easy, but with the right attitude you can continue to make strides forward.

[heading style=”1″]Trying to Stay Positive[/heading]

Trying to mesh D/d into our busy lives has been a challenge for us and we finally thought we had it down. I had adjusted to waiting until our kids were in bed at night to receive any punishments, even if that meant waiting 12+ hours for them sometimes and my husband was finally seeming to remember the punishments, which was sometimes challenging after a long day at work. Things seemed to be going well.

My husband returned home one afternoon and I knew something was wrong. He had received a promotion with work, which was great news! It instantly calmed my fears, since I was worried he had lost his job when I saw him arrive home so early. But, a promotion was a great thing! Or so I thought. The pay difference was minimal, although enough to where it was worth considering. The biggest downfall was the position. He would now be working at an office almost 7 hours away from home. With our kids school, after school involvements, and community involvements, the thought of moving was difficult.

I felt caught in the middle of a rock and a hard place. On one hand, this promotion was great. It was a little more money (although with all the travel to/from home it would likely offset the cost) but more importantly it was something my husband would love, and in many ways what he had been working his whole career for. He would have been silly not to take it. But there was still that selfish part of me that kept coming through. I didn’t want to be apart from my husband all week, only seeing him on weekends, and I certainly didn’t want that for our kids. I felt conflicted as I tried to support him with this new job, but at the same time I wanted him to understand the profound impact this would have on our marriage and our family.

He seemed to understand, but a few weeks later when it was time for him to begin this new position, it became hard and D/d became almost non-existent. We both knew we wanted it to remain part of our marriage but only seeing each other on weekends made it hard since the time we did have together we wanted to be fun, and mostly about the kids as it was important they see their dad as well. Although there were probably 15 times I should have been punished, I had managed to go over a month without anything. A part of me thought that was awesome, but the other part of me felt defeated as I felt we had worked so hard at D/d and to have it change so drastically was hard to accept.

I tried to remain positive, reassuring myself that one day when we were able to stop the long distance and finally move that this would all be worth it and we’d be happy to get back on track with our marriage, our family, and D/d. But with each passing day it remained harder to stay positive because I felt like D/d was slowly becoming a non-existent option for us, and I felt our marriage growing apart.

And then something magical happened. My husband didn’t quit his job, didn’t move back home full-time and we didn’t pack up and move to his home away from home. Instead, we found maintenance spankings. I remained positive and it paid off. We found a way to make domestic discipline work long distance, finally, after so long and I think that is what really helped me. As strange as it sounds, getting spanked was actually a great thing in this situation. It really helped us to reconnect and we started doing maintenance spankings when my husband came home on the weekends which really helped us to get back on the right foot with D/d. I learned that when D/d is present in our marriage it seems like we can get through anything.

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We’re so glad that things worked out well in the end for Rachel and her husband. Maintenance spankings are something that we’ve heard a lot of long distance domestic discipline couples have success with, and we’re glad that it worked for Rachel as well.

See you this weekend – cross your fingers we get the directory done by then!

The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Columns – Rachel {Week 3} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

If you missed the announcement earlier this week, the new Learning Domestic Discipline Network has launched!! Click here for more information! 

This past summer we received a Saturday Story submission by 2 Learning Domestic Discipline Readers, Mike and Diane. They shared with us their story of how stress relief spankings work in their relationship, and how they help Diane cope with the stresses of her career. We all know that punishment spankings can be effective for most, but it’s also great to hear how some of the non-punishment type spankings, such as stress relief ones, can work great as well.

The following story was written by both Mike and Diane. We have not changed, manipulated, or edited any part of their submission.

[heading style=”1″]Stress Relief Spankings: By Mike and Diane[/heading]

Mike’s Story

Diane and I have been married for several years and have been practicing Domestic Discipline for close to two years. In that time Diane has been discipline spanked several times though I’ve tried to be pretty selective in terms of how often it is done. We have, however, discovered another form of spanking that has seemed quite helpful in our marriage and Diane’s career.

She is in a high-level (and high-paying!) client service position. Frankly, her salary is higher than mine and, as a side-commetary, I’d say my stepping into a HOH role has helped us in this somewhat less than traditional earning power relationship. Formal client presentations are a big part of her job and she often becomes a bit tense, stressed and sometimes “snappy” as she is getting ready for one.

One night just before a presentation late last year, she was particularly stressed and “difficult” even after several warnings from me to slow-down and watch her tongue. Finally, she said something that crossed the line and I instructed her to go to our bedroom.

She knew what that meant and whined that she had a “big day tomorrow”. I told her I knew she did and that was part of the reason she was going to receive what was “needed”. And so Diane was spanked bare-bottom over my knees in the bedroom–it was mostly discipline for her attitude, but also something that I thought would calm her for the presentation.

And I was right! As I’ll let her explain, it gave her a certain release of stress and ability to focus on the upcoming presentation. We have used it numerous times since, but the discipline aspect has diminished and the release of stress has become almost the total objective of those spankings.

Diane’s Story

Oh wow! That first stress-release spanking was far more a result of Mike’s displeasure with my attitude that night, but it produced the calmness and release that he thought it would. Though my bottom stung I suddenly found a strange peace and calmness, partly because I knew I had Mike’s care and concern.

The next day I knocked ‘em dead at the presentation! I was definitely “on” and clearly impressed the client with both my presentation and answers to questions afterward. My boss complimented me and commented how much I was in command and control of the meeting. I smiled and thought to myself–well, you should have seen me last night! Over my husband’s lap my bare bottom being spanked, I was definitely NOT in control.

Anyway, as Mike said, we have found these “release” spankings to be quite helpful whenever I’m going into a stressful situation at work. While they impart a noticeable sting in my bottom they are not harsh. Nearly always I am just spanked with Mike’s palm though occasionally a wood hairbrush is employed. I cannot say I enjoy them, but I do not fear them. And we have both found that they make me a happy and obedient wife and a successful executive at work.

As for my less frequent discipline spankings, I definitely do NOT love them! But I love the man who administers them!

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Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Mike and Diane!

If you have a story you’d like to submit, you can do so by clicking here.

We’ll see you tomorrow everyone!

The post Saturday Stories: Mike and Diane’s Experience w/Stress Relief Spankings appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

Several weeks ago we kicked off our summer and fall guest post column series with 4 guest writers from several different domestic discipline dynamics. We’re in the fourth and final week of our guest post series and kicking it off where we started, with Jill.

This week, Jill wraps up her guest post column with the conclusion to her post about what happened when her husband, J, decided to give spanking in their marriage one more shot.

[heading style=”1″]Spanked and It’s Over[/heading]

I had done my research about domestic discipline before we started, probably moreso than the average person. One thing that I kept seeing repeated was about how after the spanking is over “the slate is wiped clean” and whatever transgression occurred was over with. I guess I never truly understood what that meant until I experienced it firsthand.

Once J decided I was getting spanked for my red light incident I was anxious to see how this was going to go. Better than last time I had hoped, and I was right.

J asked me to go upstairs to the spare bedroom and I complied. One of the things J had said was that if we were going to give spankings one more chance that he didn’t want to use our master bedroom because he didn’t want it associated with such a negative thing. I thought that was a little odd at first, but in hindsight it makes sense.

I could tell that J had really done his homework on spanking because it went much different than the previous time. The lecture was more stern, and because he was pretty upset about the incident I think the passion in his voice really helped me to understand why he was upset. The lecture was 10 times better than it had been in the time or two past.

When it came time for the actual spanking I was nervous. Up until that point I had been abnormally calm, probably because I was interested to see how this would really work for us if he took it seriously. Or, if both of us did. And, I’m happy to report that it worked just as I had read about.

I had read that the paddle hurts like crazy. That is true.

The tears from the spanking will help you to feel better. That is definitely true.

The more you cooperate, the quicker it will go. I’m glad I remembered that because that is true.

And the biggest thing I had reaffirmed to me was that the slate truly is wiped clean after a spanking, which was something I was surprised over. When I had first heard that phrase mentioned on a few different blogs I thought it likely wouldn’t be that way for me simply because I have the type of personality where I hold grudges, and I tend to harbor negative feelings towards people for long periods of time. It’s something I hate about myself, but it is reality. So I expected to feel that way when it came to spankings, and domestic discipline too. It was one of my hesitations when we first started it because I worried that if J spanked me in a way that I thought was too hard I would resent him for it, or something like that. That is just one example of several that crossed my mind.

I also thought there was no way that J could just magically forget the transgression occurred after spanking me, and move on like nothing ever happened. While that was in part true – he didn’t forget – he was able to move on relatively easy and it wasn’t mentioned again. It seemed like the spanking really helped him to get over the issue too, which I didn’t expect.

We’ve learned so much since we started domestic discipline. The saying that this lifestyle is hard but worth it could not be more accurate.

I’ve loved sharing our journey with you and hope I can do so again in the future.

~Jill~

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Jill and J’s story portrays what we think a lot of those who are beginning domestic discipline go through, and we agree with Jill when she says that the lifestyle is definitely hard (even for those who are not beginners!) but that it is worth it.

We’ve asked Jill to provide an update as to how her and J are doing now, and we’re happy to report that her and J are still going strong with domestic discipline. Jill says they have actually began using spankings as the primary punishment now, and that J has became really fond of the hairbrush (sorry Jill!). J and Jill are looking forward to doing their first domestic discipline boot camp in the next few months.

Thank you to J and Jill for being willing to share your story.

We’ll see you tomorrow for a brand new Five Things Friday.

Also, as a reminder, tonight is our first Submissive Partner Chat Night in the new LDD Network! The chat starts at 9PM EST.

The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Column – Jill {Week 4} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

We’re back from Thanksgiving, overeating way too much turkey, and shopping til we almost dropped (well, Chelsea did at least – and she really did almost drop) and decided we haven’t posted a Saturday Story in awhile, have we? We’re getting ready to get to work on our new posting schedule, so we figured now is as good of a time as ever to get back to our old routine of the Saturday Story guest posts that we know you all really enjoy.

Some of you might remember Carol, who wrote a Saturday Story for us back in March called “A Lesson Learned”. Carol is back again today with another Saturday Story that she wrote which reminds us all why it is important to respect your HOH.

The following story is written entirely by Carol and has not been modified or edited by us in any form.

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The Show Must Go On

It was very early in our marriage when I developed the terrible habit of mimicking. They say practice makes perfect, and I practiced often. I mimicked only my husband. When we disagreed on certain issues this became my tool of comfort so that I could have the last word on a subject. I would repeat a sentence or two in an extremely nasal voice while making faces or sneering. I couldn’t look at him when acting this way, or I would have seen the look that said Have your fun now, but it’s coming and you’re not going to like it! Yeah, that look.

Anyway, this infuriated him so it was a big win for me. I know, I know–it was childish, but that’s what I did. I kept up this behavior when we didn’t see eye to eye.

Time went by, and on a day we had a special evening planned…well–you’ll see.

Okay, our children were staying with friends overnight, and we were getting along great all day and looking forward to a rare night alone together. We had concert tickets and planned a late night dinner at our favorite restaurant. Finally, there was time for the two of us. The evening was so romantic; I couldn’t stop fantasizing about how we would finish this perfect evening at home. My husband took my breath away when he wore a suit and tie. I would just swoon.

The concert was amazing, so off we go to “our place” where we dined by candlelight. Sometime during our light conversation he took my hand in his and kissed it tenderly, his eyes never leaving mine. When our dinner arrived we had pleasant conversation throughout our meal. While rising from his chair to pay the check my husband whispered something in my ear. Money–What money?

Oh, no! He had given me the amount needed to pay for dinner earlier…when I was changing my purse to a clutch bag just prior to leaving home.. Oops!

I explained to him that I left the money in my other purse when I received THE LOOK right in front of the waitress, which frankly, I didn’t appreciate one bit. Not wanting to make a scene, hubby paid for dinner with a credit card–which he hates to do. Whew! A narrow escape. I thought he might embarrass me further about my tiny faux pas, but he did nothing.

When leaving the restaurant he held my arm a little too tightly, and leading me to the car he had a tone when he said, “I can’t believe you didn’t bring the money I told you was to pay for dinner.” I huffed  “I’m sorry. I just forgot to put it in my evening bag. It’s a natural mistake. One I won’t make again. Please get over it!” (un-huff)

I hear you all gasping. I think there’s probably some butt-clenching going on, too. You have to remember, though. He had a tone!! A-hem! Back to the story. Could our romantic night be saved? Wait and see.

After I said this, the huffy part, he looked at me with murder in his eyes and replied softly, “Oh, no. You won’t make that mistake again.” I didn’t protest. I just kept still. Silence can kill, you know.

So we drove home in relative silence. Nearing the house he whispered, “Keep the money in your purse to pay the credit card bill for dinner.” When he got out of the car I mimicked him like I usually do. I don’t think he even heard me. He would be angry, for sure. He reached my side to help me out, closing the door lightly and I reasoned that he couldn’t have heard me or he would have probably shut the door harder and would have given me one of his piercing looks.

Inside the house now, we undressed and readied ourselves for bed, again in silence. Then it dawned on me that our special night together at home was ruined. Sadly, I donned my regular nightgown instead of the lacy number I had intended to wear for him. I laid my head on my pillow when “Mr. Macho” entered the room spouting “oh, no you don’t, woman! Not tonight you don’t!”

Then, dragging me out of bed and over to a chair, he sat while standing me before him declaring loudly that I would be getting a spanking I wouldn’t like one bit, but I would definitely remember it. He said more while bringing my panties down quickly, but I don’t recall what those words were because he said them while his hand was splayed over my rear. (Oh dear, oh dear!) And realizing he heard me in the car (oh, heavens) I stood still and gave him what I thought was my best “look of contrition.” to him, though, it was a look that said “please don’t blister my heinie!” I’ll take either one. The important thing is that no one gets spanked, right? Right…Wrong.

He was saying some other stuff too, like “you have played your game one time too many. I heard you in the car,”(see, I knew it!) “and I don’t talk like that or make those faces. You have been getting away with it for months now—but no more!”

In seconds I went from standing to being horizontally positioned over his knee, my nightgown was lifted so swiftly it created a breeze. I knew my bottom wouldn’t feel any coolness for quite some time. Just like I knew this spanking would be a doozy.

And it was.

Hard and fast, he reigned down swat after perilous swat to my tender bottom flesh. I hadn’t been spanked like this in quite some time now. I had to admit I knew my actions deserved punishment. I had been so petty. And not taking responsibility for this evening and the money had been childish. I knew I deserved everything I got. He seemed to agree because he gave me everything he felt I had coming, and then some.

After my spanking, I had calmed down considerably, and hubby informed me that he wasn’t putting up with any more mimicking, and that he would spank for it every time. Well, old habits die hard, and quite some time elapsed before I mimicked him again. Yes, again!

But as soon as I started, I regretted it, said I was sorry, and stopped myself. Keep this in mind, I stopped. This will be very significant in a minute, you’ll see. I think he was pleased I did this. He raised his eyebrows; (uh-oh, never a good sign) stood in front of me, unfastened my shorts and let them fall to the floor. Uh-oh. He then slipped my panties halfway to my knees and left to sit down. So–what now? He usually brings me with him for the spanking to take place. This is new. (?)

I reminded him (the man needs reminders) that I apologized and stopped myself from mimicking. Remember what I said about this part being significant? His eyes went dark with determination as he uttered “You will be spanked, the question is–how.” I was confused and asked what he meant. Concentrating on an answer, he replied “I mean how hard, how long, and with what to spank.” Gulp!

Now my eyebrows rose as I stood bared to him, and I asked how he would determine that. I immediately regretted asking. I was to prepare myself to be raked over the coals. Given my final instruction, I was to finish what I had started. (Help!)

“Mimic me,” he said. Holy cow!

Collecting myself, I tentatively began my rant of mimick-ery. He took it all in as he let his eyes travel over me slowly from head to toe, even peering around the side to see my uncovered bottom. It worried me, which was the goal he had in mind, and nonchalantly told me to continue with my acting.

My heart wasn’t in it at all and I felt ridiculous, exposed as I was. His next comment startled me, “No, no, no, you’re not doing it right. Put some sneer in it, and make it more nasal. Purse your lips, squint your eyes and tense your neck muscles.” Oh my gosh! Do I really look like that? I looked up at him, dumbfounded. I asked him if I could stop, told him that I was sorry, and I promised him to try very hard not to ever mimic him again. I then realized I had shown him total disrespect, and he was going to see to it that I paid dearly for it.

I told him I would take my spanking now. My husband kept his seat and said that

I wasn’t finished with my acting yet. Speaking softly now, he said “You will take your spanking when I decide to give it to you. Now finish the play. And you had better get it right. I know what I said, and you know what I said. But I know EXACTLY how you would have said it if you hadn’t stopped yourself.

If you don’t get it right, you will do it again however many times it takes. Then, and only then will I know how to spank you. Whoa, baby! What had I gotten myself into? I had dug a hole so deep I couldn’t see out.

I took it from the top, and each time I tried I was told “again.” And the more I heard “again” the angrier I got–with myself. It took me three more tries. Three more nasal, sneering, neck-bulging times to get it right. I can’t say how many times I had to repeat my lines, but the count was numerous. Immediately following the word perfect part of the play, I waited. While there was no intermission, no curtain calls, and no applause, there was a finale…just not here.

I saw the hurt register in my husband, and knew without a doubt I needed to atone for my actions. He then came to me, slowly putting my shorts and panties back on the parts they covered previously, and brought me upstairs to meet my doom. I was told to put pillows in place on the bed. When I got upstairs, he pulled me to him and calmly removed my shorts taunting “You won’t be needing these for a while. Don’t worry, I’m going to fix it.” Did I mention how much he likes to fix things around the house? No? Well, he does, and right now he was going to fix his disrespectful wife, but good.

Taking my place over the pillows in the middle of the bed, he took the opportunity to make my dread complete by placing the impending implements right in front of my eyes. The articles of torture were the bath brush and his belt. His belt? Wait! Oh, help me now! I was to get my first taste of the belt. (Big gulp here) Then it began.

He lectured my ear off while he spanked me sufficiently with his hand. Hard. Very hard. Well, one of us thought it was sufficient. The one who didn’t had me hand him the bath brush, I winced as my panties descended midway down my thighs. He then delivered the first crashing blow to my hiked-up bottom. I tried to concentrate on his words. It wasn’t easy. I heard the words disrespect several times, and childish, and behavior, learn, worse, belt, and whipping.

He was determined, and he was delivering his message with feeling. I know I certainly felt it. He said I wasn’t to mimic anymore, or next time would be a lot worse. (Is that really possible??) I got that, I really did. I understood. I was sorry. I was sore. I was staring at that belt. Never used on me before–until now.

I’ve seen from some of your blogs that some of you ladies prefer the belt to other implements. So hopefully, it won’t be too bad, right? Okay, back to the story now.

I had never been so nervous and apprehensive. He saw where I was looking, picked it up and asked, “are you ready for this?” I squeaked out a “no,” so he removed it from my sight and put it back on. YEA!!! A reprieve has been given. I started dressing and didn’t see him, but I heard a drawer open. Uh-oh! I wasn’t done? What about the reprieve you just gave me, huh? The drawer…oh, no!

Yep, sure enough he showed me the BIG SPOON–the one that covered half a naughty cheek at a time. Man-oh-man! That stung like the dickens. There was more he told me. It seems that from now on part of my punishment would be to act out the entire scene that led to my re-enactment. And just like today, with my bottom bared to him.

I will close now. Let’s just say he got pretty enthusiastic drumming that spoon onto my nether cheeks. He said he wanted commitment from me not to mimic, and a definite change in my attitude, and fast. And if I remember correctly, I don’t think I ever needed another lesson on the evils of mimicking.

The End

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 Thanks for sharing your story with us again Carol!

If you’d like to submit a Saturday Story we’d love to read it and possibly share it with our readers. You can submit your story by clicking here.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend everyone!

The post Saturday Stories: “The Show Must Go On” appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.

Several months ago we announced a new posting series to Learning Domestic Discipline for the summer – The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline. Our goal with this series was to highlight some of our awesome readers who practice the domestic discipline lifestyle in their own way. We wanted to show that domestic discipline varies so much from couple to couple, and lifestyle to lifestyle. The outpour of stories we received has been incredible, and we’ve had people from all walks of life, all over the world, share their stories with us for this column. Beginning today, we’re sharing those stories with you! We hope that you enjoy this new guest posting series, which runs every Friday throughout the summer.

This first story is written by Chris, who emailed us several months back to share the story of how domestic discipline works for him in his relationship with his fiancee. We found his story fascinating, and we think you will as well.

Four years ago my fiancee (then girlfriend) wrote me a letter that changed the course of our relationship as I knew it. She wanted to start domestic discipline in our relationship and let’s just say that I didn’t. I read her letter several times but I just couldn’t do it. I think even she would tell you now that the way in which the letter was written (ultimatum style) wasn’t the best, but it did do a good job at describing the lifestyle in her own words which quickly became something I was not OK with. Set rules for her? Punish her? This sounds like things I do every day with my job. The last thing I wanted was to carry my work life home with me at the end of my shift. I did that enough as it was.

I work in law enforcement in a relatively large US city. My shifts are demanding, and I often feel like I come home at the end of the shift dying to not make any decisions, to not have to explain (and re-explain) myself to people (especially my fiancee), and to sit down with a cold beer and watch some sports. The absolute last thing I wanted was to come home and immediately sit down with my fiancee and go over what she did that day, then hold her accountable for whatever rules might have been broken. Besides I couldn’t think of any rules for her that I thought would fit anyway. The suggestions she gave me (things like bedtime so that she wouldn’t be dragging at work and school the next day and things like changing her attitude during our arguments) I thought felt childish and, quite honestly, ridiculous. I couldn’t imagine punishing her for bedtime, or setting limits on how she could or couldn’t handle herself when she was angry.

And then there was the biggest hurdle of all that I had to overcome which was the legality aspect. As an officer of the law, the more I looked into this lifestyle the more I wanted to back away from it. To me, it teetered on the brink of spousal abuse and that was before I found out that corporal punishment was used as a common consequence. Once I found that out, I quickly labeled this domestic violence.

So how I went from that viewpoint to where I am now, which is happily engaged and been practicing this lifestyle for four years is a story that is difficult for me to explain. The letter that my fiancee (then girlfriend) wrote me made it clear that this was something that she wanted and she felt she needed. Although she tried to make it sound normal, I wasn’t feeling it. I actually remember ripping up her letter, pushing it into the back of my mind, and attempting to return to our day to day lives.

It was hard for me to completely forget that letter, and watching my fiancees reaction to my reaction was difficult. I made the decision to talk to a co-worker of mine about it, more for relationship advice than anything else. His response to it was surprising to me. He made it clear that he still thought it was pretty crazy (I think the word he used was “bizarre”, actually) but he made me see that if this was a desire that my fiancee had I should probably take it more seriously, even if we never ended up practicing the lifestyle. By me taking it more seriously, and not mocking it or throwing the letter back into her face it at least showed I thought about it before coming to a conclusion.

But, there was still the legal side of it that was hard for me to overcome, so I began researching. I actually stayed up all through the night one evening and really studied the law in our state, talked to a few co-workers who I felt comfortable with, and things of that nature. I researched, researched, and researched some more and what I eventually came to discover is that (in our state and country, at least) this lifestyle could be practiced within the legal perimeters. That put my mind at ease a little, but it still didn’t change the fact that I just couldn’t picture us doing this. I was a leader at work, but I didn’t feel like a leader at home, nor did I really want to be one to be honest.

A few months went by and we got into an argument over an error that she had made with our finances. We had recently combined finances, and recently moved to a new condominium. Things were getting serious between us, and this financial error was one that could have really jeopardized a lot. The argument was probably our biggest to date, and it made me really want to take over the finances in our relationship. I felt that if I didn’t, things would go downhill fast. She was reluctant, but she allowed me to do so, stating that if she wanted to be a domestic discipline partner eventually, she felt this was a good first step.

I didn’t think much into her comment, but looking back on it her giving up the reigns in that area meant a lot, and I know it was hard for her (and for me quite honestly). But after we had that argument and made the necessary changes in our relationship I felt myself stepping up more and more. First with the finances, then with her personal safety. After she found herself rear ending another vehicle because she was distracted behind the wheel, I felt I had to take action and once I found out she was binge watching Netflix all night, thus causing a drop in her grades (she was in college at the time) I knew it was time for Netflix to go. These changes made me really step up and the changes I saw in her were dramatic.

We eased into domestic discipline and it was a good year (if not longer) before I was willing to even label our relationship as a domestic discipline one. Sure, I cut the cord on Netflix but if she would have renewed the subscription would I have punished her for it at the time? Probably not. But, the fact that I was stepping up and taking action in our relationship on things that bothered me, even if it wasn’t necessarily something that I wanted to do was a big step.

It has been a few years since the transformation began and it still hasn’t been easy for me to punish my fiancee. I struggle a lot with spanking, and I still have the legalities in the back of my mind now that we do use punishments, albeit infrequently. I’m confident that I’m able to practice this lifestyle within the legal limits, and in a way that this mutually benefits both my fiancee and I. But, I worry that others in this lifestyle may not be able to do the same and that concerns me still to this day.

One of the best things that I have gotten out of the lifestyle was the ability to lead my relationship, which is something I never saw myself being able to (or wanting to) do. I liked sitting on the sidelines, letting her do things how she wanted to do them. I thought that made her happy, which in turn made me happy. But what I quickly realized was that it wasn’t making her happy, at all. Having me as the leader, and holding her accountable for things that she wants to change about herself, is something that has transformed our relationship 100% and I’m thankful for domestic discipline for that.

As I said earlier, using this in our relationship hasn’t been easy for me at all. But I think my legal research into the topic, my willingness to take my fiancees requests seriously, and my ability to step up as a leader has been some of the best decisions I’ve made in life, and certainly in our relationship. I don’t feel like this relationship is for everyone, but I am very thankful that we have it as a fallback option for when things begin to get out of hand for us.

Chris’ story is an awesome reminder to us of a few things. The first is that domestic discipline isn’t an easy choice for a lot of couples. It’s rare when a couple sits down together and says, “hey, have you heard of domestic discipline? Well, here’s what it is. Let’s give it a shot.” and the other partner excitedly says, “okay!” and off they go. Domestic discipline is something that is a struggle for a lot of couples to get on the same page with, and Chris’ story is just one of many that illustrate that.

Another thing that Chris’ story helps us to remember is that domestic discipline is something that should be thoroughly researched before a decision is made. In Chris’ circumstance, he immediately thought of the legal ramifications of the lifestyle. Is domestic discipline legal? Could this cost him his job? What would his co-workers think? His research into those things helped him to come to a more informed conclusion on whether or not this lifestyle was right for him and his relationship.

We’re grateful for Chris who shared his story with us, and who helped us to remember these important points.

If you’d like to share your story with us on how domestic discipline has worked for your relationship, whether good or bad, and what might set you apart from other domestic discipline couples (whether it’s your career, your dynamic, your rules, or something else) we’d love to hear from you. You can submit your story by writing to contact@learningdd.com with the subject line “Many Faces of Domestic Discipline Story Submission”. If we select your story, you’ll receive an LDD prize package, and compensation. Please note that due to the volume of entries we receive, we may not be able to contact everyone back, but we promise we will use as many entries as we are able.

Stay tuned for the return of the Submissive Saturday’s feature tomorrow!

-Clint & Chelsea

The post {The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline}: “I’m a Police Officer, and I Practice Domestic Discipline” appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.

This is week two of our new series, The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline. Each week we post a new guest post from an author who was kind enough to share their story with us on what makes their domestic discipline story unique, and how they make this lifestyle work for them.

Last week we featured the story of Chris, a police officer who talked about his struggles with beginning the lifestyle both from a moral and personal perspective, and a legal perspective. This week, we’re excited to share Jessica’s story with you. Jessica and her husband have been practicing the lifestyle for two years and were kind enough to share their story with us today.

The following was written exclusively by Jessica, with some minor editorial (formatting) changes from us.

Hi Clint and Chelsea. My name is Jessica, and I’m a mom of six from Sioux Falls South Dakota. I am writing today to share the story with you and your readers of how Dd works for my marriage.

On top of being a submissive wife and mom, I’m also a career woman. I currently work as the vice president of marketing for a relatively large shoe company and put in long hours and travel twice a month. My husband and I have been involved in the Dd lifestyle for 2 years now but we do things a little differently than most I have read about because he is the Hoh but he also is a stay at home dad, and full time “home maker” as we call it.

Coming to the decision to practice domestic discipline was a hard one for us because we felt really out of place at first. I had come across domestic discipline while searching Google for marriage improvement tips one afternoon, and I was instantly fascinated. But, it seemed like everything I read was aimed more towards the submissive wife staying home, raising the children, caring for the home and taking care of her working husband. Giving up my career that I have worked very hard for and essentially changing our whole lives just for the sake of fitting in with the Dd crowd seemed hard for me to swallow.

I went to my husband with Dd and surprisingly he didn’t resist too much. But, like me, we weren’t ready to do a total 180 degree turn on our lives by him going back to work to become the provider in order to copy the lives of Hohs we had read about in our Dd research. So we decided to try Dd our way – with him being the Hoh yet still assuming many of the roles and duties of a submissive wife in terms of caring for the house, the kids, and things such as that.

The first few months were very hard for me. Trying to create rules was probably our biggest struggle, since the rules we had read about and given examples of didn’t apply too much to us. Things such as chores weren’t my responsibility, and other rules such as having a poor attitude were things he seemed to struggle with, not me. With me being used to having a leadership position at work and often carrying that home with me I often wondered how this would work.

Around the 4 month mark is when I think we really got the hang of this, and we did it by learning to not try to carbon copy what other Dd marriages were doing. I’m an avid blog reader and enjoy spending my free time reading the blogs of other Dd wives but in doing so I got caught up in comparing my marriage to theirs and it ended up really delaying our progress with Dd. So, together, we learned how to create our own Dd plan.

We started by listing the things I needed to work on most, with the biggest one being following through on my deadlines. Both him and I agreed that the one thing I am terrible at is following through on deadlines set for me either by him or by my boss. When I’m not able to follow through with them, it causes a lot of stress on me and creates tension in our house. Another rule that we created was for me to follow safety rules while I am traveling. These rules included checking in at least one time per day so that he knows I am okay, giving him all of my hotel information upfront (something I had always forgotten in the past and had really bothered him) and made sure to let him know when I made it safely to the hotel each evening. I wondered how these rules would really be enforced, but was willing to give it a try. Other rules we created were ones such as limit the amount of negative words and cursing said around our kids and make a better effort to be home for dinner each night.

I broke the first rule almost immediately, which was to let him know when I got back to the hotel one evening. I had been in New York City for a conference and went out with some co-workers for a networking event after the conference ended. He assumed I was at the hotel after it ended, but instead I went out, and he didn’t realize it. I never did let him know when I returned to the hotel that evening.

At that point we hadn’t used any punishments yet, and spanking was something that he seemed uncomfortable with. But, grounding me was difficult seeing as how he didn’t know how to enforce it with me not being home often. So he decided to give spanking a try, and although it was light and minor, it had a huge impact on me. It made me view my husband in a different and more respectful manner and caused me to think a lot about how I show respect.

One thing I have learned since we began Dd is that respect is really important. My husband has always respected me as the breadwinner of our family, the mother of our children and as his wife. Yet, I think back to all of the times when I could have appreciated everything he does for us more or those times when I could have showed him more respect instead of being caught up with the daily stresses of kids and work.

Dd for us has been a challenge, especially with our roles and responsibilities being different than the average Dd couple. But, we are similar in a lot of ways too and I learn that more each day. Thank you for letting me share my story. I hope that others out there use mine as a good example to not give up or feel like you don’t fit in with the lifestyle simply because you practice things differently. Create a way to make this lifestyle work for you, even if you are different, and I guarantee you won’t regret it.

Best,

Jessica

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us and Learning Domestic Discipline readers, Jessica. You may feel alone, but we promise you that you aren’t. We have received emails and comments before from couples who are in similar dynamics in which the wife is the primary breadwinner and also the submissive wife. While we agree it is more rare, it does happen and it is something that should never hinder your ability to practice the lifestyle if it is something you truly want.

Jessica’s story brings up a lot of great points about domestic discipline, but the one we really hope you take away from it is about the importance of molding the domestic discipline principles to fit your lifestyle. Create rules and consequences that work for you and not based on what you feel the norm is around the domestic discipline community. By tailoring the lifestyle specifically for your needs, wants, and situation you will have a much better shot at it being successful for your relationship.

Thanks again to Jessica for sharing her story with us!

– Clint & Chelsea

The post {The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline}: “My HOH is a Stay at Home Dad and We Practice Domestic Discipline” appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.

Welcome to our third week of our new guest posting series, The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline. Each Friday we post a different installment to the series that a guest writer was kind enough to submit to us illustrating what makes their domestic discipline relationship different. Today we’re excited to feature Katie’s post where she talks about how distance discipline works for her and her boyfriend, and what steps they take to ensure domestic discipline stays on track while living so far apart.

Tim and I first met about three years ago at an airport, of all places. Looking back on it, that should have probably been the first signs to both of us that a long distance relationship would be in our future. Or, at the very least a friendship. At the time, neither one of us had considered a relationship, with him being fresh out of a divorce and myself being too focused on my career to care about a boyfriend. Not only did a relationship seem hard to imagine, but domestic discipline was something neither one of us ever considered.

Little did we know, our relationship would begin to develop. We soon found ourselves going from not wanting a serious relationship to becoming close friends and then more. We spent hours talking/text messaging each day and even made a few trips to see each other. We live roughly 6 hours apart, and so distance combined with our work schedules made it difficult but we managed to squeeze in a few trips here and there.

I first heard of domestic discipline after doing some Google searches when I finished reading 50 Shades. Yes, I’m one of those people who found domestic discipline through that book, what can I say? But honestly, at the time, I couldn’t really see myself doing domestic discipline with Tim. I knew almost instantly it was something I wanted in a future relationship, but the one I was currently in was just blossoming, so I couldn’t imagine throwing a curveball like domestic discipline into it so early on.

Finally, one day several months later I broke down and told Tim about it. I did so because I began craving this type of lifestyle, and because I was starting to grow really close with him and trust him. Those feelings led me to believe that maybe domestic discipline with him could work, distance and all, if I could get him to agree to it. But that came harder than I thought.

Tim was adamantly against it at first, so much so that we almost broke up because of my desire to have it and his desire to not. I wish I better remember the turning point for him but it came about 5 months after first bringing up domestic discipline to him. He finally agreed to try it on a very short basis (two weeks I believe was his “trial period”) and I jumped at the chance. At the end of the two weeks, he asked for two more weeks which I happily obliged. I thought domestic discipline was going well and I could tell he was beginning to come around to it too. We finally sat down one evening on one of our weekends together and made it official. We would become a domestic discipline couple, even with the distance.

We didn’t talk much about how it would work with the distance between us, surprisingly. I figured it would have came up early on, but it didn’t. Instead, we slowly adjusted to our new found roles and relationship while trying to navigate how this lifestyle really worked. But all of that was easy, until it came time for us to depart again.

Living roughly 6 hours apart can take its toll on any relationship, but adding domestic discipline to the equation complicates it even more. We have learned a few things over the time we’ve been doing domestic discipline and I’d love to share those with you.

We had heard time and time again that punishing as soon as the offense happens (or as close as possible to it) was ideal which worried us. We only see each other 1 weekend a month on the average month. Therefore, sometimes weeks can go by without a punishment even if one is well-deserved. So, one thing we have learned is using punishments that aren’t spanking and can be used with me in one state and him in another are important. This allows Tim to still be able to punish me in a kind of short time frame and it allows me to still be held accountable even if we aren’t physically together.

Another thing I’ve learned is that it really isn’t all about the punishments. Sometimes people (distance or not) seem so focused on that that they forget to strengthen the other areas of their domestic discipline relationship. We all know that punishments are important but it isn’t the only important thing. By having that distance between us it allows us both to reflect (for quite a while!) in the car about what we need to improve upon, and how things are going. It really helps to keep our domestic discipline lifestyle in the front of our minds during chaotic times when we aren’t able to be together.

Tim doesn’t like to use spanking (although he has before) and finding time to do that on our rare weekends together is sometimes challenging as we would prefer to spend all of our time together, doing happy stuff. So, one thing we’ve done is an accumulation of points. He gives out point values to rules that he finds important and if a certain number of points is accumulated then I get spanked. This allows me to not get away with things (we use some of the alternative methods of discipline for most points) but still be held accountable through methods such as spanking if it’s been a bad week and the points are serious enough.

Those are just a few things we have done over the years to make domestic discipline work more smoothly for us despite our challenge. We likely have another 2-3 years of living apart based on Tim’s job situation, but we’e hoping that the distance will be resolved (with a transfer from his job) in the next 6 months. When it does, it will be interesting to see how domestic discipline goes for us since we are used to living quite a ways apart.

If you are in a long distance relationship and considering practicing domestic discipline or already do, my advice is not focus so much on domestic discipline and just let it come naturally. I also have found that it is important for you to be comfortable using punishments that are alternative to spanking so that they can be handed out during the week even when you are apart.

I hope I gave you some tips and inspired you to believe that you can live a domestic discipline lifestyle, regardless of the distance.

Katie

Thank you so much for sharing your story Katie. Dating/distance relationship is always hard and we totally understand that. When you add domestic discipline it can really complicate things, but it sounds like Tim and Katie have a system down that works well for them, which is great news and something we encourage all long distance couples to do. Their tips are great and we highly recommend them if you are in a similar position.

We’ll see you tomorrow for a new Submissive Saturday’s post

-Clint & Chelsea

The post {The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline} “We Live 6 Hours Apart, and We Practice Domestic Discipline” appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.

Hello everyone, happy Friday!

We’re in the middle of our “Many Faces of Domestic Discipline” series, which is our weekly guest posting series that features a different domestic discipline couple, what makes their relationship unique, and how they overcome challenging situations to be able to practice the lifestyle. Today we are featuring Paula’s story. Paula originally contacted us about writing for our new Learning Domestic Discipline Magazine, but we thought her story was inspiring enough to share with all of you here on the blog as well.

And now, here’s Paula’s story.

My name is Paula and I am a former elementary school teacher turned housewife, mom of 10 great kids and a domestic discipline wife to my husband of 12 years.

I have wanted dd to be a part of our marriage for many, many years but I never thought it was feasible. Most of the stories and accounts of dd I had read seemed to work wonderful for the average family, but we weren’t the average family. My husband works long hours on an oil rig, my in laws lived with us (at one point in time, when we were first considering dd but thankfully have since moved out), and we have a supersize family of 10 kids (who presently range in age from 10 months to 11 years old). I didn’t see any way that dd could work for us and so I held off mentioning it to my husband for quite some time.

One afternoon, after an argument over a family reunion that totally blew up I figured that was as good of a time as any to just see how he felt about the idea of dd. He wasn’t in love with it (as I figured he wouldn’t be) but over time he came around (with lots of help from me). We still had a lot of things to work out, like how we would make this lifestyle work, but just having him accept the idea really made me feel better.

Our house isn’t very large and the bedrooms are all close together, so the first hurdle we had to overcome was how to conduct the punishments with so many kids (and in laws!) within earshot. This took a lot of thinking, and we even considered trying dd without the use of loud punishments (like spanking) for the first little while. But, in the end, it was my husband who said he felt we needed that ultimate punishment feeling that spanking offered, and so we decided to go back to the thinking table as to how to make this lifestyle work, particularly the punishment part. The solution we came up with was that we would conduct punishments on weekends, during the day, when my husband was home from work and our kids were away at various sports, playing outside, at friends houses, etc. Weekends are always a chaotic time in our house, so I was a little worried about how this would work for us but it surprisingly went really well. The first two punishments (one spanking and one corner time) went off without a hitch and I think we were both beginning to have more faith in this lifestyle working out for us.

About 7 months into dd the in laws offered to take our kids to visit extended family at a lake house for the weekend. It was the first time in many years that we had the house to ourselves, and we were definitely appreciative! We used that weekend to go through a modified version of boot camp that my husband had recreated to best fit our needs. We made small changes to the proposed schedule and spent 2 full days immersed in the boot camp experience. At the end of that weekend, we both emerged feeling like we could definitely make dd work for our marriage and that was the best feeling.

Shortly thereafter my in laws moved out which was a welcoming change to be able to have our house back to normal again. Our kids were even starting to notice our marriage was happier and that things were better which was a good thing to hear. Dd seemed to be going well but we kept encountering one same problem time and time again and that was how to find time for dd in our marriage. It may sound silly, but dd takes up more time than I think either of us realized. My husband admitted that a few times he would purposely “forget” a pending punishment because he had a long day at work, and I admit that there were times I didn’t remind him of things I knew I should have because I didn’t want to take time out of whatever I was doing at the moment to do so.

We overcame this by implementing a set time each evening after the kids were all in bed where we could just talk about whatever. Sometimes we would discuss dd things like recent rules, frustrations, changes we wanted to make, punishments and the like. Other times we would discuss plans for the next day and family stuff. These evening meetings became a routine for us and it really helped us to stay on focus with dd, and solve the problem of not feeling like we have enough time.

The best advice that I have for a couple who wants to do dd, or is currently doing dd, and is in a similar situation that we were where they worry about how to make it work around their in laws or kids is to take time for yourself and for your marriage. This is something that is important for all couples, not just with dd, but dd makes it even more important. Setting daily or weekly “meetings” with each other can really help you both to stay focused with your dd goals.

Thank you to Paula for sharing her story with all of us. Although we have three children, which is a far cry from ten, we have found ourselves wondering how to make time for domestic discipline in our marriage as well. Paula offers some great tips that we think all couples should take into consideration, and we’re so glad to hear domestic discipline is going well for you both.

We’ll see you tomorrow. Enjoy your weekend!

-Clint & Chelsea

The post {The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline} “We Have Ten Children, and We Practice Domestic Discipline” appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.

Hello everyone. Welcome to another week of our “Many Faces of Domestic Discipline series”.

Each week we feature a guest post from someone who was kind enough to share their domestic discipline story with us. This week’s entry is from Deborah who has been practicing domestic discipline for 4 years now and is a licensed marriage and family therapist.

In 2011 I wrote a journal entry in my notebook of random thoughts that I occasionally write in. That entry contained short phrases that I would use to describe myself, my husband of 10 years and our marriage. While most of the adjectives listed were positive, I couldn’t help but notice that they mirrored the previous years list of negative adjectives as well. I described my marriage in 2010 as being a power struggle between the two of us, both of whom hold professional positions at our respective jobs and both of whom are used to being in a position of leadership with finances and decision making. It concerned me that so many of the same words popped up on 2011’s list as in 2010 because that meant nothing had really changed over that year. Would 2012 be better? At that point it didn’t look like it.

My husband and I have always had a good marriage. I would say it is solid but it isn’t great. There is room for improvement in all sorts of areas, especially mine. I have been a marriage and family therapist for nearly 12 years now and I have always felt that if I couldn’t hold down my own marriage how could I really be qualified to help with someone else’s? So I did what I could in my personal life and what felt like just enough to “get by” but I knew I wasn’t truly happy. My husband and I fought over trivial things often and it was one big power struggle constantly. I remember one afternoon while eating lunch my husband mentioned putting some money into renovating our master bathroom. The bathroom, to me, was fine. It seemed like a waste of money. We argued back and forth about it and, like it typically did at that point, it escalated quickly into being about all sorts of issues. Money, the possibility of moving (and resale) down the road, how I never let him speak without trying to talk over him, how he never lets me voice my opinion without acting like he’s my CEO instead of my husband. It just never ended.

I went to work the following week and met with a client of mine who I had seen off/on for the past year. That afternoon they sat in my office for their weekly session and we got on the topic of power struggles within their marriage. It sounded so eerily similar to mine. The husband mentioned something about his wife wanting him to be more dominant but he didn’t know what that entailed outside of the bedroom. So, I turned to her and asked her what she meant by she wanted him to be more dominant and she proceeded to describe what her idea of a dominant husband was. I was intrigued, and I went home that evening and did some research into dominant marriages, dominant husbands, etc. Eventually, I stumbled onto domestic discipline.

My reaction at first was likely much like everyone else’s. I had no clue things like that existed and was surprised that even through all the university courses I had taken I had never heard of such a thing. I figured there must be a reason why this concept wasn’t taught at university and I concluded I was right – the reason was most definitely because this would never be socially accepted.

But despite my hesitations I was intrigued. Unlike what appears to be most other domestic discipline marriages, I brought the idea to my husband that very same night. I didn’t necessarily want him to try it, but I at least wanted to put it in his head. What if this really could work?

His reaction surprised me in that he was ok with it (which seemed so unlike him) but when he asked who would be the HoH I knew there was an issue. If he didn’t automatically feel the urge to be the HoH or the desire to lead and control this marriage then how would it ever work?

Months went by without a mention of the topic when he came to me out of the blue one afternoon and asked if I remembered that “crazy spanking thing” we had talked about months earlier. I nodded, and he asked if I was still interested in it because he couldn’t get it out of his head. I was surprised but still had a laundry list of hesitations starting with my job. I knew I would never be comfortable recommending this to any of my clients so why would I be comfortable practicing it in my own marriage? I had no idea. I couldn’t explain it.

Not even 24 hours into domestic discipline and I was already feeling the impact of it. Not physically (thankfully) but discussing rules with my husband seemed so childish. Weeks later when we went to punish me for the first time I thought what am I getting myself into?

The adjustment to this lifestyle has been extremely rough on us both. But it has also made me realize just how bad things were before. I was controlling every aspect of our marriage, even the ones I didn’t want to control and my husband was fighting for even an ounce of power in things. One of the biggest things this way of life has taught me is how carefree it is to actually break free of that control and while domestic discipline might not be something I have recommended to any of my clients, the concept of breaking free of control and releasing that power struggle in your marriage is something I find myself recommending quite regularly.

We have now been following the domestic discipline way of life for a few years and have seen our marriage do a complete 180 degree revolution. I’m looking forward to the day where I am comfortable explaining this to so many of my clients who really, really could benefit from it. But for now I am reveling in the fact that this crazy concept has transformed my marriage and I have a marriage that I’m proud of exhibiting to my clients, instead of one that leaves me wondering if I am even qualified to help them with their problems in the first place.

Thank you for listening.

Deborah

Thank you so much to Deborah for sharing her story with us and the LDD readers. We can relate to her, personally, in a lot of ways as our reaction was similar to hers at first. Was domestic discipline really the right path for our marriage or was it as crazy as it sounded to us at first? We took that leap, never looked back and we’re happy that Deborah was able to see many of the benefits that we have seen as well.

See you next week,

Clint & Chelsea

The post {The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline} “I’m a Therapist, and I Practice Domestic Discipline” appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.

We’re back with Eric this week, who has been sharing the FLR (female-led relationship) story of his marriage with everyone. In case you missed Eric’s first post you can read it by clicking here.

This week, Eric talks about how him and his wife (Amy) conquered their first big hurdle with their new FLR-style marriage: discussing rules and consequences.

Take it away, Eric!

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[heading style=”1″]The Consequence Debate [/heading]

A few weeks after Amy and I had decided to make the transition into our FLR relationship we had an immediate task looming over us – discussing the rules and the consequences. Amy actually recommended this, because she felt it would keep her more organized with knowing what to enforce, and what consequences to give. I wouldn’t say I was against the idea, but I guess I didn’t see what there was to discuss. I mean, I do something that makes her upset, she gives me a quick spanking and we move on, right?

That wasn’t quite how it worked, I soon learned. To start with, Amy didn’t know what to punish for, let alone how to dish out any consequences, especially spanking. I just always assumed that domestic discipline marriages equated to only using spanking, and occasionally a little swat or lecture here and there so it was eye opening to me to find out that there are lots of different consequence types, such as corner time, grounding, mouth soaping, and more. Those were all things I had never before considered.

We sat down after work one evening and started our list. Amy  asked me which rules I felt needed to be on there, and right off the bat I mentioned my attitude, which, in the past, has led Amy to feel unwanted and disrespected if I don’t think about what I’m saying, and how I’m saying it, before I speak. Amy agreed, and that became our first rule. The next few she added, which were in regards to coming home after work and letting her know if I wanted to go out for a drink with the guys instead. No more just assuming she was fine with it, and heading out. We also added a couple of rules around obeying, and controlling my temper which can sometimes get the best of me in very stressful situations. When we were finished, we had about 10 rules jotted down on the notepad, which we both agreed seemed like a good starting point.

Moving onto consequences was more difficult than I would have imagined it would be though. In fact, much to my dismay, it caused an argument right off the bat and led us both to question what on earth we were even doing. As I mentioned earlier, I had assumed that spanking would be the only consequence that we used.  Amy, on the other hand, wasn’t completely comfortable with spanking yet, and felt that other consequences (such as grounding) would be more suitable to start with, and then only introduce spanking as a “final straw” mechanism when all else failed. I disagreed. She scribbled down grounding under the consequence column, and I quickly crossed it out and wrote spanking.

And there we were. Sitting at the table, going back and forth like we had been about decisions before domestic discipline was ever introduced. She questioned my dedication to this lifestyle, saying that it felt like I only wanted to give her control in situations that were convenient for me. She felt that I should have a say in the consequences, and voice my opinion, but that ultimately it should be up to her. While that sounded good, it just wasn’t how I envisioned domestic discipline going.

We temporarily abandoned our rules and consequences discussion, then resumed it a few weeks later when we had both calmed down. We agreed that spanking should be a part of the consequences, in order to add a depth of severity, but that grounding would be the primary method used until Amy got more comfortable, or until grounding no longer became effective.

Seeing how we worked together to get through our disagreement and our differences on this issue really made me realize, and really affirmed to me, that domestic discipline was right for us. Sure, there were heated moments, but we had already begun handling them much better than we had in years past. We went to bed that night excited for what the future held. Little did I know, the first consequence was coming sooner than I had thought…

Until next time,

Eric

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We’ll see you tomorrow for a new edition of Five Things Friday.

Have a great Thursday!

The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Column – Eric {Week 2} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.

Last week we introduced you to Ellie, one of our guest post columnists who practices the Spencer Plan/Cooperative Domestic Discipline version of the lifestyle with her husband Shawn. This week we dive further into Ellie’s story as she tells us about making the transition from being a submissive wife to being an HOH and a submissive partner.

[heading style=”1″]I Don’t Know How To Do This![/heading]

Before we started The Spencer Plan there were times when I would joke and tease Shawn that if he didn’t take out the trash, or if he kept annoying me on a random day that I would spank him like he does me. I was only kidding, and Shawn knew it (which is likely why he didn’t listen at all) because I knew, deep down, that I would never really spank my husband. At least I never thought I could.

The Spencer Plan sounded simple at first. I wouldn’t say it sounded easy, or like a walk in the park, but it sounded simple enough to where we could hopefully just slide it in place of the traditional plan we had been following. That was our plan, at least, but it didn’t quite work that way.

The first week that we started our new version of domestic discipline was one of the most challenging weeks of our marriage. We were struggling to find our roles was very difficult for us both. Shawn still, naturally, tried to step up and assert his power during major life events, while I naturally fell into the more submissive mindset and the “just go with the flow” attitude. It didn’t help that we encountered a life crisis during our first week in transition. Our car had broke down and after seeing a mechanic we made the decision that it would cost more to fix it than the car was worth, so we set out in search of a new vehicle. But, financially, it was a strain at the time and so we butt heads a lot on what type of car to get, how much to spend, how would we pay for a major purchase like this on no notice at all. In our “old way” of domestic discipline this would have been handled easier. Shawn and I would have discussed it, and he would make a final decision. But now, with the Spencer Plan, didn’t that mean I could overrule him?

It was a power struggle to say the least. If I overruled Shawn and went with the vehicle I wanted, would I get punished? And, if Shawn then overruled me and went with what he wanted, would he get punished too? This just didn’t make any sense to us. Tempers were starting to flare. We tried to compromise, but it still felt like one side was making out with the “better half” of the compromise and then the argument became which side should that be? These were issues that we rarely ever saw in our marriage when we did the traditional version of the lifestyle and I was beginning to think we had made a mistake letting that go.

The car issue never did get fully resolved, although it has still only been a few months. We ended up getting a new car, and it was one that Shawn wasn’t crazy about but we compromised the best we could, although if you ask Shawn he will likely tell you that I chose the car, and that was that.

A few nights after we were home with the new car Shawn asked me if I had considered punishing him, at all, during the course of our many car conversations, particularly the heated ones. I responded with no, because I honestly hadn’t. After he fell asleep that night my mind began to race and I began to see that maybe I wasn’t cut out for this, because Shawn had admitted he thought about punishing me a few times for my attitude and disrespect during those heated talks. I’ll admit I didn’t handle myself the way I should have, but neither did he. So shouldn’t I have thought about punishing him too?

I just didn’t see how this would work, and wondered what on earth we had gotten ourselves into. A part of me really, really, really wanted to switch back to “the old days” where we had defined roles and things went smoother. But, Shawn convinced me to give this lifestyle a chance, and what happened next really shocked me…

Ellie

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The power struggle aspect of The Spencer Plan is something that we’ve often wondered about, Ellie, so it was interesting to read your story. Thank you, again, for sharing! We’re looking forward to next week (ugh! I hate cliffhangers).

The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Column – Ellie {Week 2} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.

Our second week of guest post columns is almost in the books, and we’re ending the second week with Rachel’s story. You may remember from reading Rachel’s first guest post column that Rachel and her husband are new to domestic discipline and although they got off to somewhat of a rocky beginning, things seemed to be going better. We think Rachel’s story is one that a lot of new domestic discipline couples can relate to, and we’re looking forward to sharing more of Rachel’s story today.

[heading style=”1″]The First Few Weeks[/heading]

Starting D/d was almost like turning over a new leaf for us in so many ways. Both my husband and I realized things about each other that we never knew, we saw sides of each other we’d never seen before, and I mean all of that in a good way. We were only a week into practicing D/d at that point but we were both already beginning to see the drastic changes in our marriage, and loving every minute of it.

I’ve been told it’s normal to receive a lot of punishments at first but I don’t think my husband or I were prepared for what that really meant. Going into D/d I expected to maybe get spanked once a month but in that first week it had been upwards of 3 times. I couldn’t figure out why I just wasn’t “getting it” but by the second week the switch in my brain seemed to flip and I was seeing loads of improvement (and, more importantly so was my husband).

We sat down together at the end of the second week and the first thing my husband told me was how happy he was that we decided to give domestic discipline a chance. That was music to my ears, as I was so worried that he wouldn’t be very good at it or wouldn’t like it because he is so passive and laid back. But, much to my surprise, he had adjusted really well and things were on the right track. However, we both could sense that it was getting harder and harder to work D/d into our busy schedules, especially with our kids. My husband wanted to be consistent, and punish immediately, but with kids running around and a full time job there were many nights when a punishment (or even just a simple reminder of the rules) wasn’t able to occur until midnight for something that happened at 8 AM that morning.

We looked for a solution, but stopped when Chelsea actually told me something really wise. She told me that domestic discipline isn’t about finding ways to work around your life, it’s about finding ways to integrate it into your life. I told her it was hard to D/d into our schedules and she understood but said that it begins to come naturally the more you stick with it, and she was right. She gave me some really good tips, which we tried, and by the end of the month we felt like experts at this whole D/d thing (although we were still so far from it).

D/d, to me, feels like there is always a new hurdle to overcome. The biggest was getting my husband to agree to it, but then there was me feeling like I was breaking rules left and right and wasn’t really “getting it”, then just trying to mesh domestic discipline into our schedules and that was only the first few weeks of it. But what I have learned is that with each hurdle there is a lesson to be learned behind it, and with each hurdle we’re able to successfully jump over presents a new level of gratitude for each other and this way of life.

If you are someone who is new to D/d like I still am I want you to know, first hand, that there are a lot of challenges. There definitely are way more than I realized. But there are also a lot of rewards. I’ve seen my marriage go from about a 3 to about a 9 in a matter of months. We did have one more major setback so far (that post is for next time!!!) but we are well on the right path to a stronger marriage.

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We’re so happy for you and your husband Rachel! Going from a “3 to a 9″ is an incredible leap, and we’re glad that you have seen such great improvements.

We’ll be back next Thursday with week 3 of our guest post columns, and we’ll see you tomorrow for the first Five Things Friday edition of the fall, as well as the Learning Domestic Discipline September newsletter!

The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Columns – Rachel {Week 2} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.

It’s crazy to believe we’re almost done with our first round of guest post columnists!

This week we’re back with Jill’s story, who was right in the middle of telling us about the “great spanking debate” that her and her husband encountered in her last post.

Go ahead Jill.

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[heading style=”1″]The Great Spanking Debate Part Two[/heading]

A few weeks passed after J and I sat down at odds yet again over domestic discipline. Starting this lifestyle had been difficult, no doubt about it. It was much harder than I expected and since the fall out from the first spanking it seemed to be even more difficult than either of us imagined it would be.

At the end of the conversation we had about the first spanking, I was surprisingly more okay with it than I thought I would be. I was very “anti-spanking” from the time I first heard about domestic discipline (or before to be honest) all the way up until after my first spanking. A week after it had occurred, J and I finally sat down, as I mentioned in my last post, and I was beginning to come around more to the idea. I thought that maybe if I would have been more okay with it from the get go that I would have seen the results I had heard about that are supposed to come after a spanking. I blamed my reaction on the fact that I just , plain and simple, didn’t know the spanking was coming. I didn’t even know the spanking was a possibility. I know that is rare, unheard of, and not condoned in domestic discipline. I’m just being honest here.

J, on the other hand, felt differently. He felt like the spanking had mixed results. He admitted that he liked that it changed my behavior (no more staying out late and worrying him!) but he didn’t like my reaction afterwards, the cold shoulder, or some of the things I said to him that I now wish I could take back. He felt similar to how I did in the sense that the first spanking didn’t go as planned, nor how either of us envisioned, but he felt differently in the sense that he had the attitude of, “well, we did it, we tried it, and it didn’t work so moving on..”. But I was more open to trying it again.

It felt weird to switch from making sure that spanking was never included in our marriage to creating a list of reasons why it now should be. But there I was, sitting at our kitchen table in the middle of the night making a list. I couldn’t sleep, and my mind was racing at the thought of J withdrawing spanking as a consequence. A part of me thought that it wasn’t a big deal, since spanking was never formally a consequence to begin with, but the other half of me was nervous that this was the beginning of the inconsistency tailspin that I’d heard so much about.

I gave J my list the following morning but he didn’t have much time to read it as he was running late for work. Days went by and I’d heard nothing from him about it. Then weeks passed and still not a word. I didn’t quite know how to bring it up to him, so I just let it go and moved forward.

A few weeks after I came home from the store to a very unhappy J sitting at the table. He had a paper in his hand and I didn’t think much of it at first until he later told me that it was a ticket and that one of those red light cameras in town had caught me running a red light the week prior. The camera then snaps a picture of your cars license plate and sends the citation to the address your vehicle is registered to. The fine was a pretty hefty one, and J was not happy.

I’d almost forgotten about spanking at that point, and wrote it off as something we were highly unlikely to do again until J said that he wanted to try to spank me the right way that time. The way that involved a lecture, and him being calm, followed by some aftercare. Although I expected to be panicked, begging him not to, and a complete mess, a surprising calm came over me.

He led me upstairs, and I knew I was about to get spanked, but what came next was something I never expected..

Until next time,

~Jill~

The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Column – Jill {Week 3} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.

We’re so thrilled to have Eric back again this week to share the next installment in his guest post column titled “The First Punishment”. Eric’s wife, Amy, adds her thoughts as well making this a guest post you won’t want to miss if you’re in an FLR/wife-led relationship or considering one.

If you missed Eric’s post last week, you can check it out here.

[heading style=”1″]The First Punishment[/heading]

It was no secret that incorporating consequences into our relationship was much easier said than done. After Amy and I agreed that grounding would be used as the primary consequence and spanking would be a back-up, things went a little more smoothly. Having a plan or a framework to this lifestyle really seemed to help us both.

The night that Amy and I sat down and agreed on the framework for the consequences came on the heels of a rough conversation a few weeks prior where I insisted that grounding not be included at all, and Amy insisted that spanking not be included at all. We were at odds, and I let my stubborn behavior get the best of me. My attitude wasn’t right, and I knew it later on but at the time I had resorted to my “old ways” of trying to trump what she decided on, and using my attitude in a way that subconsciously made her feel disrespected.

As I mentioned in my previous post, after our consequence conversation that went terribly wrong we decided to put the talks on hold. When we finally resumed the discussion Amy had a much more take charge attitude and, in turn, that made me back down and reevaluate my attitude. We were able to decide together, with much better attitudes, that grounding would be the primary consequence with spanking being a back-up. Amy was more comfortable with with grounding, and I didn’t blame her.

Shortly after that conversation occurred we were laying in bed together when Amy announced that she felt my attitude about this topic was not what she was expecting considering our new relationship choice, and I couldn’t help but agree. I hadn’t treated her right in the previous talk we had, and although I’d apologized, she felt this was a good time to try out our new lifestyle. I obliged, hoping that the grounding but wouldn’t be too severe.

When she ordered me to lay over a few pillows she was placing in the center of our bed I was stunned. I knew this was out of her comfort zone. She had made that clear. But this was starting to become out of mine as well. Her lecture was stern, intense, and I saw a side of my wife I had never seen before, but a side that I loved and made me vow to cherish her even more.

The spanking was short but hard, and over in a flash. She used the backside of her plastic hairbrush, probably because it was the nearest thing in sight. The first few spanks were unlike anything I’d ever experienced, and by time the end rolled around (about 20 swats later) I had a new found respect for Amy, not only for going through with something like that, but for taking charge, initiative, and really putting this lifestyle into effect.

That spanking did two things for me. It really solidified our female-led marriage, and it also made me see my wife in a different light. Weeks went by before the hairbrush was taken out again, and that time Amy seemed much more comfortable with spanking which was not great news for my backside.

From Amy: Eric and I’s marriage has been a journey, with domestic discipline being a significant milestone for us. Domestic discipline has showed us a lot about each other in both good and bad ways, but has strengthened our marriage in so many ways that I never thought were possible.

The idea of spanking Eric, who I always looked to as the leader, was far-fetched and sounded silly to me at the time. I never pictured myself doing it for anything other than some mild erotic foreplay, but looking back at the course of our marriage there were so many times where I wish I had.

The night I decided to spank Eric came on a whim when I thought to myself, “if I don’t try this now, I might never”. I was having second doubts about domestic discipline, but after deciding to go through with the punishment and seeing the results I’m really glad I did. It made the doubts melt away and in place was a husband that was respectful, obedient, and loving which are things that are very important to me.

We look forward to sharing more next time.

Eric & Amy

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Thanks Eric and Amy!

We’ll be back tomorrow for a new Five Things Friday post with a special retreat announcement!

The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Columns – Eric {Week 3} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline.