This is our second week of our guest writing columns, and we’re excited to introduce Eric and his wife Amy. You can read a little bit of their background by clicking here. Eric and his wife have been practicing an FLR (female-led relationship) style of domestic discipline in their marriage...
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Three weeks ago we started our guest blogging column, and the response has been great. We’re so glad you guys are enjoying following along on the journey of four different domestic discipline couples! This week we’d love to introduce you to Shawn and Ellie who recently switched from practicing the...
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A couple of months ago, we received a very nice email from a woman who had stumbled on our website. She told a brief version of her story and how she had found LDD. We thought she had a great story that would interest both our current readers and...
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The post Saturday Stories: “A Vanilla Perspective on Domestic Discipline” appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.
For the past 4 weeks we’ve been introducing you to a team of guest post columnists, each of whom practice a different element of domestic discipline. You’ve met Jill, Eric, Shawn/Ellie and now we’re looking forward to introducing Rachel to you. Rachel is our fourth and final guest post columnist,...
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A few weeks ago we introduced you to our first guest post columnist – Jill. In case you missed Jill’s first post you can read it here. This week Jill talks about her and her husband’s decision to opt out of using spanking as a consequence and how they came...
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We’re back with Eric this week, who has been sharing the FLR (female-led relationship) story of his marriage with everyone. In case you missed Eric’s first post you can read it by clicking here. This week, Eric talks about how him and his wife (Amy) conquered their first big hurdle...
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Last week we introduced you to Ellie, one of our guest post columnists who practices the Spencer Plan/Cooperative Domestic Discipline version of the lifestyle with her husband Shawn. This week we dive further into Ellie’s story as she tells us about making the transition from being a submissive wife to...
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Our second week of guest post columns is almost in the books, and we’re ending the second week with Rachel’s story. You may remember from reading Rachel’s first guest post column that Rachel and her husband are new to domestic discipline and although they got off to somewhat of a...
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It’s crazy to believe we’re almost done with our first round of guest post columnists! This week we’re back with Jill’s story, who was right in the middle of telling us about the “great spanking debate” that her and her husband encountered in her last post. Go ahead Jill. —————————————–...
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We’re so thrilled to have Eric back again this week to share the next installment in his guest post column titled “The First Punishment”. Eric’s wife, Amy, adds her thoughts as well making this a guest post you won’t want to miss if you’re in an FLR/wife-led relationship or considering...
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It feels great to be back on track with our posting schedule after taking some time off for vacation, and important retreat announcements last week. We’re getting back on schedule with our guest posting columns this week and picking up where we left off with Shawn & Ellie. If you’re...
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If you missed yesterday’s post – the Learning Domestic Discipline Network has finally launched! Click here for more information. When we first were introduced to Rachel one of the things we loved was her positive attitude. It wasn’t a secret that her and her husband had encountered their share...
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If you missed the announcement earlier this week, the new Learning Domestic Discipline Network has launched!! Click here for more information! This past summer we received a Saturday Story submission by 2 Learning Domestic Discipline Readers, Mike and Diane. They shared with us their story of how stress relief spankings...
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Several weeks ago we kicked off our summer and fall guest post column series with 4 guest writers from several different domestic discipline dynamics. We’re in the fourth and final week of our guest post series and kicking it off where we started, with Jill. This week, Jill wraps up...
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We’re back from Thanksgiving, overeating way too much turkey, and shopping til we almost dropped (well, Chelsea did at least – and she really did almost drop) and decided we haven’t posted a Saturday Story in awhile, have we? We’re getting ready to get to work on our new posting schedule,...
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This is our second week of our guest writing columns, and we’re excited to introduce Eric and his wife Amy. You can read a little bit of their background by clicking here. Eric and his wife have been practicing an FLR (female-led relationship) style of domestic discipline in their marriage for over seven years now and are looking forward to sharing their story with you. We hope you find it as fascinating as we did.
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[heading style=”1″]The Transition to FLR[/heading]
Seven and a half years ago Amy and I were sitting at our kitchen table at odds. We had been married about a year, but neither one of us felt that marriage was what we expected. Amy and I both had busy full time careers and we were renovating an old home her father owned. All of that combined with an ill parent and a job that required me to be gone sometimes weeks at a time and we had a recipe for a very stressful life and with that stress brought arguments, discontent, sleeping on the couch, and yes more arguments.
I remember seeing something on television where a couple did some BDSM stuff in the bedroom and it really ignited that spark again. I thought it sounded interesting, so I started to research that and a little while later I stumbled on domestic discipline. At the time, little existed on the topic other than a Yahoo Group here and there or a few scattered articles on the web, and almost everything I found was what some would call the “traditional format” and so I approached the topic and my research under the understanding that I would be the head of our family, and my wife would take on the submissive role if I could ever get her to agree to this.
I read what feels like everything I could on the topic and then sat down with her. Amy felt, much like I did at first, that maybe a little spark in the bedroom would be more of what we needed instead of something as regimented as domestic discipline. I think I was just happy I got her on board (relatively easily at that) with something. So, we dabbled in a little BDSM and it worked. It reignited that spark that we both felt had been missing. But, that fizzled out within a few months of us realizing that BDSM only seemed to work when we weren’t arguing, stressed, or about to kick one another to the curb. It kept the happy times happy but that’s about it. So we revisited the idea of domestic discipline.
Her becoming the head of the household was never mentioned, at first. We approached the decision to start domestic discipline under the pretense that I was the head of the house since that is what seemed to be the norm, based on what I had read. I wouldn’t say I was ever against becoming the head of the house, but I felt like most of the “problems” in our marriage that triggered the arguments were stemmed from things I was doing. Some of you may ask why I didn’t just stop them myself, but I respond to that with the simple statement that I made a genuine effort and it just didn’t seem to work.
It wasn’t until Amy and I sat down to discuss rules that we realized that most of the issues seemed to root from behaviors I had that she didn’t like, and while both her and I realized that her reaction to those behaviors were wrong, we both realized if we wanted domestic discipline to work we had to start at the root of the problem, which was me.
We agreed to try her being the head of the household for two weeks, but I could tell she was hesitant and I was as well. She has always taken more of a natural leadership role both in her career, and at our home, but that didn’t mean it was easy for her. Amy made it very clear that she didn’t want this to be a parenting type of relationship and I definitely didn’t want that either. I didn’t want her to “mother me”, similar to how many head of the household’s say they don’t want to become their wives father. I can understand that. We wanted to maintain that partnership and some sense of equality, but hopefully bettering our marriage along the way.
One day into our two week test run and I could already see this was going to be very difficult. I was struggling to grasp the notion of getting spanked by my wife, and I think she was struggling even more with the notion of spanking me. I’ll share more about that at a different time, but I wanted to introduce myself and say how thankful both Amy and I are at the ability to share a look at our female led marriage with you.
Until next time.
Eric
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Thank you, Eric! We’re looking forward to hearing more about how your trial run with domestic discipline went!
We’ll see you tomorrow for a new free download!
©2014 Learning Domestic Discipline
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Three weeks ago we started our guest blogging column, and the response has been great. We’re so glad you guys are enjoying following along on the journey of four different domestic discipline couples! This week we’d love to introduce you to Shawn and Ellie who recently switched from practicing the traditional dynamic into the Spencer Plan/Cooperative Domestic Discipline dynamic. We’re anxious for you to read their story, so let’s get to it.
The following was written by Ellie. We have not changed, edited, or manipulated her post in any way.
[heading style=”1″]How We Started[/heading]
Hi my name is Ellie and from the outside I don’t think anyone would ever guess that my husband (Shawn) and I do domestic discipline, let alone the “Spencer Plan”. I’m a kindergarten teacher by day, an Etsy enthusiast, member of our City Council and our school’s PTA, marathon runner – and my husband Shawn? He owns his own small business (marketing firm) and watches more sports than you probably even knew could exist. In many ways, we’re just your average, everyday couple. Many would be shocked to find out that we follow “The Spencer Plan”, and some days I’m even shocked myself.
4 years ago, almost to this day, I ran into domestic discipline after reading about spanking in one of those erotic novels that should probably be rated X. I googled, stumbled upon domestic discipline a short time later, and was intrigued. Eventually, I mustered up the courage to try to convince Shawn to give it a shot, but he was hesitant. Even though he (finally) agreed to it, it still took him a good 6 months I’d say to warm up to the idea.
But we didn’t start out with the “Spencer Plan” method. We started out with Shawn assuming the HOH role, and me the opposite. It worked. My attitude about certain things really began to change. Shawn and I both really put more of an emphasis on our marriage, our newfound roles and life was good.
About 3 years into it, I started to notice Shawn breaking some the rules that he had set for me. Some were silly, minor things, while others were more major. It got me thinking about the age old question of is this really fair? I found myself often thinking, “I can’t believe he just did that! If I would have done that, I would instantly be punished.” and I found myself thinking those things a lot. While my behavior seemed to be on the up and up, it felt like Shawn had simply forgot that the rules were in place for him as well (although there were no consequences at the time).
Several months later, he came across the “Spencer Plan”, I believe in a Yahoo forum. He brought it up to me, not necessarily saying that we should try it, but moreso letting me know it was an option, and it existed. I immediately brushed it off as crazy and could never imagine myself punishing Shawn, similar to how I’m sure he felt when we first started domestic discipline. But, a few weeks later, my thoughts began to change as I started to see that maybe this would work after all.
So now here we are. It’s only been about 2 months since we made the transition from him being the HOH to us both having a share at it, and it hasn’t been an easy adjustment, that’s for sure. Some would say this the hardest form of domestic discipline, and those people would definitely be right. But, we’re determined to make it work. In upcoming posts, both Shawn and I will share some of our struggles in making this transition, as well as a glimpse into how this works for us. We hope you’ll stick around and follow our journey, and thank you to Clint & Chelsea for giving us this opportunity.
Ellie
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Thanks so much, Ellie! We’re looking forward to reading more about how The Spencer Plan/Cooperative Domestic Discipline is working for you.
Next week our final guest blogger, Rachel, will make her introduction, so stay tuned. And, we’ll see you tomorrow for a new Five Things Friday.
Until then,
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A couple of months ago, we received a very nice email from a woman who had stumbled on our website. She told a brief version of her story and how she had found LDD. We thought she had a great story that would interest both our current readers and readers that may have just recently found LDD. We returned her email and asked if she would be interested in writing a Saturday Story for the blog.
We were thrilled to hear she was interested and willing to share her story, and we’re excited to be sharing it with you today. The following story was written entirely by Rachel. We have not changed, edited, added to, omitted from, or otherwise manipulated her story in any way, shape, form, or fashion.
If you’d like to share a part of your domestic discipline story on the LDD blog, we’d love to hear it! You can read more about how to do so here, or you can simply submit your story to guestpost@learningdd.com. Thank you!
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Firstly I’d like to say what an honour it is that Clint and Chelsea have invited me to write something for their Saturday Stories section, one that I hope I will do justice.
I’m a late thirty something Brit who up until a few weeks ago had never heard of Domestic Discipline in any way, shape or form. I was aware of the idea of D/s relationships and BDSM and I read all three ’50 shades’ books a couple of years ago but that was pretty much it.
I stumbled on LearningDD purely by accident. Reading a novel, I came across a phrase I didn’t recognize, Googled it and came up with a number of DD blogs and CDD websites. The blogs seemed to have an erotic overtone (possibly due to the nature of the phrase, which I now know is more BDSM than DD) but the CDD websites were something else. I’ll be honest and say that the idea of women being ‘disciplined’ by their husbands horrified me and I found some of the info on the sites a little difficult to read and take in.
I’m in quite a traditional set up. I gave up my teaching job to be at home with our children when our first daughter was born and although all 3 of our girls are at school I now run my online coaching business from home and do most of the house ‘stuff’ whilst my partner of 16 years goes out to work. That said, the ideas, rationale, articles and some of the comments on the CDD websites I found were a little scary. I actually felt physically sick.
Having 2 older sisters who were in abusive relationships when I was younger, I’ve always been very against the idea of men controlling and hitting women, so I guess it hit a bit of a raw nerve. So, I Googled again. ‘Is CDD abusive’.
This time there was a link to the article that Clint and Chelsea were interviewed for in ‘The Daily Beast’. So I clicked. And read. And clicked through to the LearningDD blog.
I’m not sure why; I was intrigued. There was something about this website that drew me in. I read the first article and then clicked on a related one. I was hooked. This website was different; particularly in the respect that it seemed more balanced and represented both sides of the relationship much more fully.
After the first few articles I decided I needed to read the blog in order. To see how it had developed and to learn about this lifestyle, from this couple, obviously in love very deeply and yet practicing and embracing what seemed to me to be an alien concept. In particular, I was fascinated by what made women want to be in a relationship like this and how did it work?
Over the course of 3 days of a long weekend here in England I read the entire blog, oldest post to newest, bar a few of the roundups. I loved the Monday Mailbag and the fact that Clint and Chelsea regularly gave independent answers, giving readers insight from both sides.
I learned that Domestic Discipline was totally consensual when practiced properly and that in many cases it was the woman (submissive) who brought up the idea. I understood that the participants reported huge benefits to their marriages and I understood that it was not anger that motivated men to ‘discipline’ their wives. Unlike domestic violence is was not a vindictive outburst, nor was there systematic undermining of the submissive partner.
Don’t misunderstand; I’m not converted! The DD lifestyle is still not for me or my family. But I understand and feel enlightened and educated on this lifestyle that is different from mine. It is not my place to judge how any other couple conducts their relationship if they are both happy and consenting.
For me, it’s about the accountability and responsibility. I don’t feel that it’s anyone else’s place to modify my behaviour. That’s my choice. If I hurt, upset or anger someone close to me with the way I behave, then I’d hope they’d tell me and in the future I may choose to change that. But it’s up to me.
That said I’m not here to argue with you about your way of life or convert you to my way of thinking, I’m here to say that I’m glad I stumbled on the website. I’m sure it’s hard to ‘come out’ about this lifestyle and there is a lot of fear and prejudice in the world around things we don’t understand, or which isn’t ‘mainstream’ thinking.
The LearningDD website is educational, reasoned and informative. If I ever changed my mind it would be the first place I’d come for my resources and information. I wish Clint and Chelsea and their little ones the best for the future and for everyone who has become a part of their community here, I wish you all well.
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Thank you for sharing your story, Rachel. It was a wonderful story and very well told. You had a lot of nice things to say about our website within it as well, which we really appreciate.
Rachel’s initial email prompted us to ask her to contribute a Saturday Story because we loved the message behind it. Even if she never brings domestic discipline into her own relationship, she now understands what this lifestyle is and why many choose to live it. Her email meant a lot to us, as does her Saturday Story, since it illustrates one of the main goals we’ve set out to accomplish from the beginning — to help people understand what DD is all about.
Thank you for taking the time to look into the lifestyle, Rachel. Speaking personally, it means a lot to us that you’d take the time to fully understand what it’s all about, and we appreciate you not passing judgment on us or those that live it.
Again, if you’d like to write a Saturday Story to be featured on the LDD blog, you can read more about doing so here, or you can email your article to guestpost@learningdd.com. Thanks!
© 2014 Learning Domestic Discipline
The post Saturday Stories: “A Vanilla Perspective on Domestic Discipline” appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.
For the past 4 weeks we’ve been introducing you to a team of guest post columnists, each of whom practice a different element of domestic discipline. You’ve met Jill, Eric, Shawn/Ellie and now we’re looking forward to introducing Rachel to you. Rachel is our fourth and final guest post columnist, and her and her husband are relatively new to the domestic discipline lifestyle. Rachel’s series of guest post columns, beginning with this weeks, are great for beginners to the lifestyle to read as it gives them a first hand look at some of the challenges, triumphs, and adjustments that come with beginning domestic discipline. We hope you enjoy getting to know Rachel!
[heading style=”1″]Try and Try Again[/heading]
My husband has always been a very laid back kind of guy. Even simple things like asking him what he wanted for dinner almost always generated a “I don’t care, whatever you want” response. I don’t want to sit here and talk ill of my husband, but let’s just say he was not much of the take charge type. It was this reason, primarily, that I wondered if domestic discipline could ever work for us.
We met on a blind date five years ago and the connection was almost instant. I loved everything about him, and I still do. But when I came across domestic discipline I knew, almost from the beginning, that it was something I wanted to try. But, I’m a realist, and I also knew that my husband would likely never go for something like that. I was just tired of leading our family, of making all the decisions, and of the dumb fighting over stupid stuff. Even before I had heard of domestic discipline I knew I wanted him to lead our family, to step up and take charge – but he just never did.
I thought long and hard about how to even bring up the idea of domestic discipline to him, but I also thought long and hard about if he were really cut out for something like this. I didn’t want him to agree to it, by some miracle, and then not make any changes, or things just stay the same. So, talking to him about domestic discipline was going to be a much bigger feat than I had once imagined.
The first time I brought it up to him I did so in sort of a casual way, probably because I was just way too nervous. He laughed it off, and didn’t take it seriously. He made a few jokes about it in the days following, but after that it soon became something long forgotten, and we moved on. A few months later, I gave it another go, that time much more seriously, yet a similar response ensued. I was starting to feel discouraged, but I kept going because I knew I wanted Dd bad enough.
Four more times passed and finally, finally I got him to agree to a trial run. It was a short one (only one week) but it was something. During that week, he surprised me. For the first time, I really saw him step up and start to become a leader, and an HOH. I thought to myself something like man, he’s really got this! He really can do it. And, he did.
By the end of that first week I definitely liked the new him, although I admit that having punishments was something that definitely took some adjusting. I thought everything went really well, so I was surprised (and heartbroken) when he said he wasn’t sure about continuing. I asked him why, and he told me it was because he felt that “this was just all too much”. A part of me understood, but the other part of me was just angry, sad, hurt and disappointed.
I didn’t want to keep bringing the issue up, as I thought it would only drive a wedge between us so I tried to let it go and move on, and just remember how happy I was in that week, with my husband in charge and our lives sliding back into place. I don’t think I was ever really able to move on, but I did give it a good try. Finally, one day, about five months ago my husband came to me and surprisingly said that he wanted to give Dd another try. I was floored, shocked, and excited. Really excited.
It’s now been five months since we decided to officially start Dd and things are going great. Well, almost great. We’ve hit a few snags along the way, like the fact that my hubby is often out of town for business. That makes domestic discipline much harder than I expected it would, but we’re working through it.
I’m looking forward to sharing my journey with you all. I hope that it helps to inspire other newbies, as well as gives hope to those who haven’t quite been able to master the art of getting your husband on board.
~Rachel~
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Thanks, Rachel! We’re looking forward to reading more of your story.
Before we sign off, here’s a few Learning Domestic Discipline announcements we want to make you aware of.
We’re looking forward to getting moved in our house, settled in, and getting back on track. We appreciate your patience.
All the best,
©2014 Learning Domestic Discipline
The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Column – Rachel {Week 1} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.
A few weeks ago we introduced you to our first guest post columnist – Jill. In case you missed Jill’s first post you can read it here. This week Jill talks about her and her husband’s decision to opt out of using spanking as a consequence and how they came to that conclusion, but how one incident made them change their minds.
Without further ado, let’s get to it. 
–Clint & Chelsea
[heading style=”1″]The Great Spanking Debate[/heading]
My one hangup with domestic discipline has always been the spanking part. Actually, that isn’t entirely true. I had a lot of hangups, but the biggest one I would say was the fact that spanking was involved. J spanking me for anything was just not. going. to. happen. Period. But, after hearing how J was actually kind of open to the idea of domestic discipline, I got nervous that he may want to try the spanking part after all.
My nerves were put to rest when J said he didn’t think that he could picture himself spanking me. Phew! Bullet dodged, and we were well on our way to practicing domestic discipline. As I mentioned in my first post, we decided on one rule and one consequence to begin with and no, that consequence wasn’t spanking.
A few weeks into domestic discipline we both came to the realization that just one rule might not be sufficient and so we added 3 more. 4 seemed like a good, even number and we were both starting to see the benefits of domestic discipline until the day I thought I might have ruined it all (although, at the time, I was convinced it was J who was responsible for that).
With my job I often travel out of town (usually about 1-3 hours away from our home) and we live in the Northeastern part of the United States where snow is common. Because of that, we made a rule that when I’m working away from home I send J a text when I’m leaving work (since it’s often about 7 or 8 in the evening) so he doesn’t worry (especially because of the frequent snow storms we get). Well, one day, I forgot. My phone had died, and a few co-workers asked me to go get some drinks after work. I did, thinking J was working late anyway, so who cares. Well, he did, and when I finally arrived home (well after midnight during a moderately severe snow storm) J was beyond panicked. I don’t even know the words to describe it.
I wish I had an excuse, but I didn’t, and I figured our one consequence (which is grounding, but more about that in another post) but I guess J had a different plan. Without much of a warning at all, I got spanked. It wasn’t much, but it was definitely something and I was shocked. Actually, I was pissed. I didn’t agree to that! What the hell? I thought we agreed on ONE consequence.
For days, actually almost a week, J and I barely spoke. I went through a range of emotions like being so pissed off that he would do something like that, and also being a little confused because everything I had read about spanking led me to believe that afterwards we would be so much closer together, not barely speaking and further apart than we had been in years. It just didn’t go as planned, and J went through a range of emotions as well. He was extremely upset, still, about me being out so late without telling him, and worrying him to death. But, he also felt really bad. He admitted that he acted on impulse, and didn’t sit down to discuss things with me calmly and rationally first. Finally, on day 6, we sat down to talk. We talked for hours, more than I think we ever have about a topic, actually and afterwards we both felt so much better.
I had a strange change of heart during our talk. At first, I was so against the idea of spanking, and J was on the fence I would say. But, during our talk I suddenly became eager to give it another shot. Even though I was unbelievably pissed off, and it caused a wedge between us, there WAS something about the spanking that was beneficial, but I couldn’t put my finger on what, exactly. Maybe it was the fact that he cared that much, or maybe it was the fact that it really did make me never want to break that rule again. Whatever it was, I was eager to see if we could find the experience that domestic discipline bloggers talked about when it comes to spanking. J, on the other hand, fell off the fence and decided no way could he do that again. So, we were at odds once again.
Domestic discipline is, no doubt, full of challenges, roadblocks, but also full of triumphs and I’m happy to be able to be here sharing both of those things with you. I learned a lot from this experience, and in my next entry I will let you know how the incident I refer to as “the great spanking debate” ended up, and where things stand now.
Until then..
~Jill~
The post Learning Domestic Discipline Guest Post Column – Jill {Week 2} appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.
